A Great Idea for South Florida Sports and TV

I’m not a business man, I’ve never tried to be, and I try not to be. I’m a writer and a sports fan at heart, and yes, this is about sports, but more the business of sports for today.

Sports teams are a business. There, I said it! We want to believe that they’re for civic pride, just ask people in Seattle how much civic pride they have over their Super Sonics right now, or ask a Hartford resident how much civic pride they have over the mighty whale right now, or rabid hockey fan living in Winnipeg or Quebec City, who I’m sure are just BURSTING with civic pride over their Jets and Nordiques respectively. No, they’re businesses, they can pick up and leave when they want, and they’re out to make money.

Of course, they also operate as a monopoly. The Miami Heat is the only NBA team in Miami, the Florida-soon to be Miami Marlins are the only professional baseball team in Miami. Both teams at one point were on the verge of moving before getting new stadiums built. The Heat got the American Airlines Arena which I must say is aging like a fine wine as opposed to the old Miami Arena and the Marlins will be moving into their new ballpark in exactly 162 home games not counting the playoffs. What does one have to do with the other? They both always take a backseat to The Miami Dolphins, both in the hearts of the fans, and in the media. On top of that, they both have to share a regional sports network cartel with teams from other parts of the state of Florida! In 2012, it’s only going to get worse, since the Marlins new stadium is a retractable roof ballpark, they will be competing for events such as concerts, conventions, professional wrestling, and other events where they can make money other than the team’s games themselves. It doesn’t have to be this way, and on top of that, it won’t, if they can heed my idea. Unlikely, but I have to get it on paper somehow.

The Marlins and The Heat should merge all of their non-baseball and non-basketball operations together.

Has this ever been done before, two teams of different sports merging? YES, pun intended! Why is the pun there you may ask? Well, the YES network started off as a merger between the New Jersey Nets and the New York Yankees. This was done in 1999 in order to leverage their television deals together. We ended up with YES network because they found that if they just produced their teams own games and broadcasted it on their own network, hence collecting the advertising themselves, they’d make more money than just selling their rights to a Fox Sports Net type channel. Other teams followed suit and got in the act afterwards, in some cases it succeeded (Comcast Sports Chicago, owned 25% by Comcast, 25% by the Chicago Cubs, and 50% by Jerry Reinsdorf the owner of the White Sox and Bulls; Altitude which is owned by the owner of the Denver Nuggets and the Colorado Avalanche; NESN which actually predates YES and is owned 80% by the Red Sox and 20% by the Boston Bruins; and SportsTime Ohio which is owned by the Cleveland Indians), and in some cases its failed (Victory Sports One lasted a cool 3 games when it was established in 2004 by the Minnesota Twins, however when it failed to get cable coverage anywhere in the established markets of the Twins and thus folded as the Twins moved back to their local FSN).

However this merger isn’t just about their own television network, which we WILL get to, as well as WHY it would succeed, it’s about integrating the businesses of two sports franchises that seem so different but really together could be the same.

Now, I don’t know if Mickey Arison and Jeffrey Loria know each other, hell, I doubt they’ve even been in the same room, but one has to think that if presented with such an idea, something could be worked out. For Arison, it would be a chance to own a piece of a Major League Baseball team. I’m not sure if that’s something he’d be interested in, hell if he was he probably would’ve competed against Huizinga to bring baseball to South Florida (No way he would’ve bought the team from him in 1998 when the team was up for sale, the two men hated each other!) For Loria, it would be something new to his portfolio, an NBA team, and the glitz and glamour that comes with it. The model with this though is one of efficiency.

The Heat and Marlins obviously wouldn’t merge their baseball and basketball operations. As funny as it would be to see how Larry Beinfest would try to woo LeBron to the Heat, or see Pat Riley find a way to make Freddi need to spend some time with his family, or see Cody Ross run the point, or even Dwyane Wade fully emulate his hero Michael Jordan and hit below the Mendoza line for the Carolina Mudcats one year, it’s just not going to happen that way! Here’s what WOULD be merged:

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-Stadium/Arena operations. The Heat own and operate American Airlines Arena, and while Miami-Dade County will own the new Marlins Ballpark with the Marlins operating it. The two teams thru their merged company could create a company in charge of operating both places. Now the New York Yankees and The Dallas Cowboys set up a joint-venture between the two of them to operate both stadiums, this plan is similar but like I mentioned before there’s more to it. The positive of this is no competing for events. Concerts expecting to have large draws in the winter in South Florida’s perfect winter weather take place at the Marlins Ballpark, while smaller summer shows would take place at the Triple-A. Plus it would also open up the possibility of a Regular Season Heat game played outdoors in front of possibly 40,000 Heat fans sometime between December and February. (I’d suggest an annual Christmas Afternoon game against the Magic, Knicks, or Bulls and tie it in to the Orange Bowl Festivities, and while we’re at it, BRING BACK THE ORANGE BOWL PARADE DAMMIT, sorry, that’s another blog!)

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-Sales and Marketing. Now here comes the drawback, if you merge their sales and marketing departments, which deal with ticket sales, marketing, and the Miami Heat team store, and sponsorships, well, people are going to lose their jobs. I’m sorry; it’s a fact of life with these mergers. BUT, wouldn’t it be more efficient and save both clubs a lot of money if their sales and marketing departments were combined? Just imagine the possibilities: Heat season ticket holders get discounts on Marlins tickets, Marlins season ticket holders get discounts on Heat tickets, and season ticket holders of both teams could actually purchase packages that combine the two teams. Example: say you but a 20 game Miami Marlins season ticket package. Well, season ticket sales for baseball are made right in the middle of basketball season, so you buy a 20 game Marlins ticket package, and you can get 50% off any 4 Heat games from the time you purchase the tickets until the end of the season. Plus, you could by Heat tickets at Marlins en Miami, the Marlins Little Havana ticket office, or Marlins tickets at the Triple-A. Hell, you could buy tickets for any event taking place at either arena at any of the arenas. Metaphorically speaking, you could catch a Saturday Afternoon Marlins game in April that begins at 1pm. You’re out by 4, and there are tickets available for the Heat’s 7:30 matchup with the Knicks that could determine what seed the Heat get in the playoffs. Well with your Marlins ticket, you could go to a ticket window at the Marlins Ballpark (or even a computer kiosk if you’re using a credit card, which many people would anyways) show the Marlins ticket to the attendant (or scan it if you’re using the kiosk) and just like that, you could get 25% off your tickets to the heat game. In fact, the Marlins will even be kind enough to even let you know the best time to do it (it's when you hear the PA say “now pitching for the Miami Marlins, Renyel Pinto.”) Same could go with the Heat at the Triple-A as well.

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- Shared Sponsorships. Of course the myth in sports is that they make their money from the fans that come see the games. Well, sort of. Sponsorships like it or not, drive the economy of sports. After all, there are as many as 19,000 sets of eyeballs at the Triple-A, and during a sell-out there could be as many as 37,000 at the Marlins ballpark. Now with both teams negotiating joint sponsorships, odds are companies could pay less money but reach more people. They could probably even pay less for the two teams combined then they do for the Dolphins alone. The two teams already have many of the same sponsors, such as Pepsi, Papa John’s, American Airlines to name a few. An appealing proposition to sponsors though would be the opportunity to sponsor both teams, purchase advertising in both venues, AND purchase ads on their new Television Network, which brings me to the final point (I know you’ve been reading this for a while and are at word number 1,590 right now, so just bare with me.)

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-Their own Television Network/Radio Network. Now they already have their own “radio networks” but those are really just a loose chain of radio stations that cover the team. Well, they could sell their radio packages together, or even purchase a Sports Talk radio station in South Florida of their own (Best station for that would be the low-rated 940 The Sports Animal WINZ. Great coverage not only in Miami-Dade and Broward, but could be picked up as far North as Palm Beach and as far west as Ft. Myers, both within the markets of the Heat and the Marlins. Then make Dan LeBatard and Jorge Sedano offers they couldn’t refuse for Drive-Time, while developing new local talent as opposed to syndicated sports programming with the exception of ESPN Radio and Westwood One’s NFL and NCAA package, then purchase an FM Talk station geared towards men 18-45 for overflow programming and general talk or syndicated talk programs like Dan Patrick and Jim Rome.) Of course I’d also suggest purchasing stations throughout the Marlins and Heat’s territory including Naples-Ft. Myers, and West Palm Beach to simulcast such programming.

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Then there’s their television network. Fox Sports owns a monopoly on sports programming throughout the State of Florida, owning two Regional Sports Networks: Sun Sports and FSN Florida. Unfortunately, these two networks cover sports in the ENTIRE sport of Florida. This leads to the Heat and Marlins getting subpar deals to broadcast their games, on a Sports Network with virtually no other local programming, not even a nightly report on all that’s going on in Florida Sports. In fact, if I have to see The Best Damn Sports Show Period one more time, I’m going on a 5 county killing spree!

There IS a better way, and this one will not only benefit the Heat and Marlins, but the Panthers, Dolphins, even whichever Television stations in the Miami-Ft. Lauderdale, West Palm Beach, and Naples-Ft. Myers Networks decide to sign on.

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The new cable net would be based in Miami, with studios based in the Triple-A for Heat games, and in the New Marlins Ballpark for Marlins games, and main studios based in whatever Miami television station they’d partner with (Of course, the network would encompass all of South Florida, when I say all of South Florida I’m not just speaking of the Miami-Ft. Lauderdale DMA, but also West Palm Beach’s DMA and Naples-Ft. Myers DMA.) They’d purchase the rights to Heat and Marlins games, produce them, and the teams would collect the revenues from Advertising. If they choose, they could bid on the Panthers, BUT, I could mainly see them just making a serious bid on them, before FSN decides since they’re already losing the Marlins and Heat to make a serious claim to the Panthers, thus driving up the price for the Panthers.

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Of course, if the Marlins-Heat TV partnership wins the rights to the Panthers, then they’d have a South Florida only regional sports net, a good idea would be a South Florida Cable only news network to accompany it as sort of a South Florida version of Headline News with bureaus in all of the local Television Stations affiliated with them in South Florida (before they went all Nancy Grace on us) plus a venue for overflow programming (I.E. Panthers Games)

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Again, the programming would be strictly local. If they do somehow manage to own the monopoly on South Florida Sports Coverage, they could also bid on exclusive rights to Miami Dolphins pre-season football, plus Miami Dolphins post game press conferences, off-season press conferences, and during draft time a Miami Dolphins draft special. During the day they’d also air press conferences of any of the teams involved, plus hourly news and weather updates from their partners.

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What would they air other than press conferences, specials, and the games themselves you might ask? A lot! I’d sign a deal with WWE for one. MSG in New York has one, why not our theoretical regional sports network? First you’d have programs from the WWE’s developmental territory Florida Championship Wrestling every weekend. It could air late at night or in the early mornings. Then you could have WWE’s Florida Classics. If a significant wrestling event from WWE, WCW, NWA, or any wrestling organization whose library is owned by WWE took place in Florida, it could be shown on WWE Florida Theatre hosted by none other than the great Craig DeGeorge!

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During afternoons you could simulcast LeBatard’s show since he loves to be on TV so much, along with the previous night’s Marlins or Heat or Panthers game or even classic Heat, Marlins or Panthers games, Fall Friday Nights could be for the High School Football game of the week, with coverage of the State Football playoffs and championship. Then after games a comprehensive post game show, then a 30 minute South Florida Sports wrap up show similar to SportsCenter, without all of the superficial shit they include, that also includes relevant National Highlights.

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Now I mentioned all of these partner TV stations in the three television markets this station would have cable coverage in, but you're probably asking, what would this station do for them? A LOT! This would be a lucrative package for any Television stations that decided to sign up for such a partnership. Just cut sports completely from their budget and pay a flat fee to the network for a nightly 2 minute sports report at 6pm and 11pm (or 10pm depending on the station) PLUS, a Friday Night Marlins package, a Friday Night Heat package, a Saturday Night Panthers Package, and possibly if Friday Night doesn’t work or even as a supplement to Friday Nights, a Sunday Afternoon Marlins package (this one would only last until September if the partner stations are CBS or Fox affiliates because of football.)

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Of course the main studios would be located at the flagship broadcast station, meaning we need a station that’s state of the art, would appreciate the programming, and wouldn’t mind also running a local cable only supplement to their main news programming. From Miami, I’d eliminate WFOR because, hell, its 2009 and they haven’t even gone HD yet even though they’re a CBS owned and operated station. While the thought of an all news station would appeal to WSVN, it hurts that it’s a Fox Station and Fox wouldn’t be too thrilled with one of their stronger affiliates linking up with someone that drove them out of a lucrative market. WPLG has the ABC affiliation BUT then if ABC gets interested and decides to stir the pot a little bit, we’d wind up with ESPN South Florida and honestly we don’t want that (even though the radio station would be an ESPN radio affiliate AND late nights the RSN would air ESPNNEWS, an ESPN clone is NOT a good idea.)

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This leaves us narrowed down to two options in South Florida: WTVJ, an NBC owned and operated station, and WSFL, a tribune owned CW affiliate. (WBFS is owned by CBS like WFOR, therefore it’s eliminated by proxy despite being the home of WWE Smackdown due to its MyNetworkTV affiliation.) Well, thing with WTVJ is that they’d enjoy the cut costs from not having a sports department, but as for an all news channel operated by them, eh, sorry, couldn’t see it working. Plus, we already mentioned a Friday Night Marlins/Heat package meaning Jay Leno would be pre-empted, something we all know NBC doesn’t wantdespite the fact that it’s been this year’s television EPIC FAIL!

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In South Florida this leaves us with WSFL. Once upon a time it was just known as Channel 39, then WB 39, then CW South Florida, until finally they rebranded the station SFL. They already have the rights to SEC Football and basketball and have been aggressive in purchasing programming. Their afternoon programming to compete with other station’s news programs includes top hits such as Family Guy, The Simpsons, and Two and a Half Men. They’re also looking to expand their local news presence, and are operated by the Sun-Sentinel, a local Miami newspaper (both are owned by Tribune Company, who has a similar arrangement in Chicago to the local TV station-local cable news net idea for South Florida that I’m posting.) They’ve already launched a morning show that has seen its rough patches but improves on its ratings daily, and with the backing of the Sun-Sentinel could most likely run a 24 hour news station using up and coming talent that are fresh from graduation from FIU or UM to possibly in the future promote into the big leagues (which in their case would be a 10pm newscast.) Plus, other than SEC football and basketball, no other sports programming from any networks (CW doesn’t have the rights to any sports coverage) and weekend programming that mainly consists of re-runs and movies (and since the CW doesn’t program on Sunday Nights, the occasional Sunday Night Heat or Panthers game could find its way onto SFL’s schedule.)

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This seems way too perfect not to work, especially since Tribune has experience with their local stations airing local sports teams games (WPIX in New York with Mets, Rangers, and Knicks, WGN in Chicago with the Cubs, White Sox, Bulls and Blackhawks). As for the other partners, Well, let’s go with the CW affiliates in both markets: WTVX in West Palm Beach, which has no plans for a newscast but would sure welcome one either produced by WSFL but geared towards West Palm Beach (or even an hour long newscast simulcast to both CW stations done in Ft. Lauderdale servicing both markets since Ft. Lauderdale is in the middle of both.) And for the Ft. Myers-Naples area, since their CW affiliate WXCW had a newscast produced by CBS affiliate WINK, both stations could contribute and be a member of this loose network, with WINK getting some Marlins, Heat and Panthers games in the Friday-Saturday-Sunday timeslots that they’d normally air anyways that don’t interfere with CBS Network programming, plus the money they’d save on their sports bureau.

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Of course you’re thinking this wouldn’t work, as the station would mainly give out Marlins and Heat propaganda. Not the case, it would be independent of the two organizations, but owned under the same corporate umbrella. The reporting would have to be fair, and not abused like say with negative attacks and editorials about departing free agents or players they want to trade (not at least without a dissenting opinion). The revenue’s they’d bring in with advertising, and their partnerships with these stations would be enough to give the Marlins plenty of money to spend, as well as give the Heat more than enough to cover any luxury tax payments they’d have to make.

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Of course, all of this is just a pipe dream, but a great idea none the less. If I’m the Marlins and Heat and this offer was proposed to me, I’d take it in a cocaine heartbeat. What are the chances of this happening? We probably would never see it, but if anyone reads this that can make things happen and get things done, they might want to forward the link to this blog in an e-mail to Mr. Mickey Arison and Mr. Jeffrey Loria, that way at least they’ll waste money hiring consultants to tell them exactly what I’m saying they should do and telling them for free.

And if it does happen, Mr. Arison, Mr. Loria, and their consultants can take all of the credit.

LeBron 2 Miami: From Fantasy to Possibility!

On our podcast, my cousin and I made a pretty bold prediction last summer when every NBA team with cap room except Miami went crazy: D-Wade and LeBron will be teammates on the Heat next year. As I heard that come out of my cousin’s mouth, I was both shocked that he’d make such a bold statement, and in my head I questioned it. After all, why would someone like LeBron, who’s as much a mini corporation as he is a basketball player want to mess up the best thing that could market him, a Magic-Bird type rivalry with Wade? Because of that, I saw LeBron and Amare joining forces in New York with Wade and Bosh joining forces in Miami, followed by the next decade of a relevant Heat-Knicks series where we would get to shut up New York fans once in for all. Hell, I WANTED that, something you could pencil in as the Eastern Conference Final every year, BIG TV ratings for ABC/ESPN and TNT, and for at least the next 3 or 4 years the winner taking on the Lakers. Hell, that’s what the NBA itself probably wants, or so we’re lead to believe.

But then, you realize that the Knicks only have enough cap space for one superstar to get the max contract, meaning LeBron on the Knicks will be the exact same situation only magnified, he’ll be destined to fail in New York, and the media will unfairly skewer him. New Jersey is not the option everyone thinks they are, they’re ownership situation is uncertain, in fact they don’t even know if they’re going to be in Brooklyn or Newark in the coming years. (Because you know if you sign a superstar, you might just want to take care of such pressing matters.) LeBron won’t play out west, I know people are thinking Dallas and Cuban will do whatever it takes, but the only way they could do it is with a sign and trade, and the Cavs won’t make such a deal without getting Dirk, and Mark Cuban has a humungous hard-on for Dirk so that won’t happen.

This means LeBron realistically only has 2 choices, Cleveland, which can re-sign him, and, that’s it, and Miami, which can sign him, and, get ready……….

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……..I’m going to have to increase the font size for this……

…………RESIGN DWYANE WADE!........

Sorry about that, I did not mean to shout, but, if you think about it, it makes total sense, hell, even the much respected Chris Broussard says it makes the most sense for LeBron if he doesn’t win this year in Cleveland. (I’d say it makes the most sense for LeBron no matter what, if he wins this year and Cleveland and resigns, it will be his last championship, if he stays with Cleveland, he’ll stay until the bitter end, where as if he doesn’t win this year in Cleveland, which he won’t, and signs with the Heat, he’ll have at least 3 rings.)

Not only will he have Wade if he signs with Miami, but he’ll also have a great young defensive PG who can hit 3’s and distribute the ball well in Chalmers, and both LeBron and Wade will have a calming presence on Beasley, who will be the 3^rd option. (And in all honesty, is really a 3^rd banana, more of a Kukoc/Horry type than a Pippen type.) Those two are the only Heat players who will be under contract on July 1^st, BUT, Haslem would definitely take less money to stay with Miami, I could even see JO doing the same. (My money though would be on the Heat picking up a shot-blocking center on the cheap that could clean up the boards and get at least 8 pts a game through put-backs, tip-ins, and alley-oops, and yes, there would be PLENTY of alley-oops! I’d see it being either Marcus Camby with the heat grabbing a big man in that mold in the draft, or Channing Frye. Honestly I’d go with signing Camby to a one year deal, then grabbing a bargain in Sean Williams currently of the Nets, then letting Williams learn the ropes from Camby and Zo, it would be more cost-effective than JO, plus would set up the Heat in the future.) In fact, Miami would be able to keep most of their bench intact, setting up a rotation that goes as follows:

Starters:

PG #6 Chalmers

SG #3 Wade

SF #32 Lebron. (Why 32? We retired 23 to honor the contributions Jordan made to the game, and I believe the rest of the NBA should follow suit! I’m sure LeBron won’t mind wearing Magic’s instead! And no, #32 should NOT be retired, I don’t care if you win one championship in your 3.5 years of service with the team, your number should NOT be retired from the Heat’s rotation Shaq, let LeBron have it instead!)

PF #30 Beasley

C Camby/Williams (numbers to be determined)

Bench:

#8 Arroyo (PG)

#40 Haslem (PF)

#14 Cook (SG/SF)

Williams/Camby (whoever didn’t start that night)

#22 Jones (SF)

Draft pick

Draft pick

I mean, doesn’t that look like a solid rotation? You could replace with generic free agent point guard, Haslem will provide great D off the bench and will still play about 28 minutes per game, and Cook looks like a potential 6^th man of the year (sort of our version of Ron Harper, Vinnie “Microwave” Jones) with Jones also providing great perimeter defense AND the ability to shoot open 3’s. (There would be A LOT of open 3’s, and yes, you could even see stretches where LeBron and Wade aren’t on the court at the same time, making it more like Hockey where you have different shifts, however both would start the game and both would finish it, and they’d both equal #35 minutes a game.)

Of course, LeBron wants to be a global icon, and some still don’t see Miami as a global city. Well, this video is a sales pitch that WTVJ used in 1987 to drum up advertisers to their station. 1987! Look at the numbers they tout:

320 days of sunshine: LeBron will be thinking about that this winter as he’s watching his handlers shovel snow.

Miami is the 2^nd largest financial center in the country. I’m sure that will make him think about things.

16^th ranked TV market. I know, this doesn’t seem so big when you think about it, BUT, for everything EXCEPT TV, they count Palm Beach County and the Treasure Coast along with Miami-Dade, Broward, and Monroe County. There are Heat fans in Palm Beach County, and more importantly, It’s Palm Beach County, only one of the most affluent counties in the United States!

The 11^th Largest retail market in the country. That was in 1987. According to my research (yes that means click on it to take a look) as of 2003 we’re at #5. That’s right, we jumped 6 spots in the span of 16 years! I know financial times in South Florida are a little bit tougher right now, but I’m pretty sure we didn’t fall 6 spots in years.(1999-2005 was one of South Florida’s many Boom Times, and if you watch the video, they do fudge it a little when they say its “never boom nor bust” because that’s just how we are thanks to piss poor city planning, and while I’m at it, I’ll give my take on the City of Miami Mayoral race even though I’m not a resident of the City of Miami, I live in Miami-Dade County’s Kendall area, but, thanks to everyone who voted for Regalado, Diaz had a lot of great ideas that wouldn’t and couldn’t be implemented because of how provincial this city can be, Regalado’s going to set The City of Miami back a good 20 years! Diaz was trying to make sure Miami didn’t remain Boom or Bust, but hey I guess we want that instead of being a well planned, well run city. I’d elaborate more but that’s another blog for another day.)

Those facts are important to LeBron, and to Wade, add in the Riley factor and I’d say it’s a GREAT possibility that we could see it happen. And since it would sell more tickets and get more sponsors, Arison wouldn’t mind paying the Luxury taxes he would probably have to pay, hell if anything whatever sponsors we’d have would pay for that! (And maybe with LeBron and Wade he’d move one step forward to joining up with Loria and saying F-U to FSN and Sun Sports and starting their own Regional Sports Network, BUT make it only for South Florida instead of the whole state, again, another story for another blog, but I’ll just say this, it’s kind of moronic to have a regional sports network that caters to ALL of Florida, let alone two. Why can’t Miami just have their own with a viewing area that covers Miami/Ft. Lauderdale Nielsen DMA (That’s TV terminology for TV Market), West Palm Beach DMA, and Naples/Ft. Myers DMA. I’ll elaborate more later, and yes, the TV Network they could start would also off-set the price of the Luxury Tax if its run right, in fact if it’s done the way it should be done, it would be like the Panthers would be paying the Heat’s Luxury Tax!)

Of course, it’s not like this is a slam dunk or anything, in fact, who knows what might happen, hell, we might lose out on both of them, but, it’s a strong possibility, and tonight’s game gives us a chance to think about it.

If the Heat are really interested in him, the best thing for them to do tonight is make LeBron win the game for Cleveland, while not letting Wade carry the load. They should make it so LeBron has to score in the 40’s while Wade only has to score between 25-30 but also throw in between 7 and 10 assists and all 5 Heat starters and Haslem score in double figures while Miami holds Mo-Pete to 10 pts or less and Shaq to his season average this year of 11-7 (I’m dead serious, that’s what he’s been averaging, he’s been a DISASTER for them so far with the exception of last night when he drew all those tacky fouls on Howard!) Whether the Heat win tonight or lose, if they can turn in a performance like that, then LeBron will really start to think. In fact if Miami does turn in a performance like that, even if LeBron scores 50 or more, I think the Heat either win this ballgame or lose by less than 6. Either one of those scenarios would make the Heat’s chances of picking up LeBron better, in fact losing by 6 or less would be ideal, then LeBron could play the “What if I was on their team” game in his head and realize that if he was, he’d probably only have to drop a 25-10-10 (yes he’d drop a triple double) and they’d win by at least 30! (BTW, another thing about LeBron signing with the Heat, he would average a triple-double in at least one season, and if he didn’t it would be more like 25-9-8 or something absurd like that, something else I’m sure he thinks about!)

Well, in less than 2000 words, I just explained why Miami is the best place for LeBron, and how the Heat can lure him here, all of the benefits the heat could reap, and I even left out the fact that Knicks fans everywhere would probably be more upset about it than Cavs fans who secretly have been dreading LeBron’s departure since he was drafted.

Wait, Knicks fans would be pissed, there we go, another benefit! Come to Miami Lebron!

Andrew 17 Years Later...

I had never encountered anything like it before or since. His wrath was pure hell. It sounded like a war zone out there, while we were safely bunkered in our house, Andrew pounded South Florida with its giant dick like we were a fresh virgin pussy.

See, I knew I could somehow turn the second worst natural disaster in American History and worst I’ve ever lived through into a giant double entendre, but I honestly think that hurricanes are named to provide these. It’s more fun to say that New Orleans was fucked by Katrina than it is to say New Orleans was decimated by a hurricane, it also makes it easier to find the parallel’s in relationships too. But the experience itself was not fun.

Yes, there’s such a thing as fun hurricanes. In 2005 while everyone’s focus was on the devastation in New Orleans, Miami actually got hit by two storms (Wilma and the aforementioned Katrina), And grazed by one more (Dennis). Wilma and Dennis I’ll admit were fun, it’s easy to make hurricanes fun when they’re category 3 or lower. Get friends together, get some alcohol, maybe some weed (if you smoke weed that is, I don’t but just putting it out there) play some music and just party till the storm ends or the power goes out, whichever comes first. Katrina wasn’t as fun because of the location I was at (dad’s house, he’s a bit more conservative) and because of the fact that the storm was really worse than the Miami Media had us believe it to be. (They said it was a category 1 when it came ashore, yet it didn’t feel like a category 1, and the damage I saw outside didn’t say category 1, however, it still wasn’t bad enough to stop MTV, who held the VMA’s only three days later.)

Andrew though, which ravaged the South Dade area 17 years ago today, was when I lost my hurricane cherry. Part of the reason why I can look back at Dennis, Katrina, and Wilma so fondly was because I was old enough to know and respect what hurricanes can do, I could see the sense of humor in them, and because by the time these storms came to us, we knew what we had to do to prepare. Hell preparing for hurricanes has become old hat down here. We know that at any time between June 1^st and November 30^th; even more so between August 1^st and October 1^st, whenever we see a tropical wave coming of the western coast of Africa, it’s time to get ready. See I know the science of hurricanes now, they’re necessities, they cool off the earth by releasing excess heat, and they take seeds of plants from Africa and move them to Florida, creating Mangroves, which are used as habitats for many of Florida’s diverse wildlife. God has a reason for everything. (Once again, Science and Religion CAN MIX!!! Don’t let anybody tell you differently! Science proves God, and even the best scientist will tell you, even if he’s atheist, that there are some things that science alone cannot explain.)

However, no one sees the good of hurricanes, and it’s pretty easy to ignore it when levies are bursting open in New Orleans, or houses are being flattened in Homestead and Florida City. The flip side of the coin is that sometimes, people do lose everything. Granted, in the case of Katrina as well as Andrew, the disaster was compounded by man-made human errors. We all know about the case with New Orleans, the city government’s continual procrastination in fortifying the levies, but no one talks about why Andrew really messed up South Florida the way it did anymore, it’s become a lost story, so to speak.

Because South Florida was growing so much, new developments sprung up like weeds in the late 80’s-early 90’s, mainly in South Dade. These houses were built quickly and efficiently, however, the houses that were built were built poorly, and code enforcement wasn’t as strict as it should’ve been. This lead to scenes like this one: listen to what the guy is saying, that was pretty much the sentiment, that the homes were death traps. Yet no one talks about it anymore. (BTW: Most of the older houses survived Andrew with flying colors, to the point where my mom would rather ride out a hurricane in an older house built pre-Andrew. To her, if it could survive Andrew, it could survive anything, which is probably true.)

Let me describe for you Miami, Fl on August 23^rd, 1992. We were still a growing community, on the cusp of becoming an economic and trade center, a gateway to the Americas so to speak. New developments seemed to spring up where there was once nothing but swamp and forests. We had gotten out of the Cocaine Cowboys/Miami Vice era, and while crime was still bad, it was nowhere near the early-80’s levels that caused Time Magazine to put the city on the front page with the title “Miami, Paradise Lost.” The day before, I was supposed to go to Disney World following my last basketball game, I was looking forward to school starting the following Monday (I was entering the 3^rd grade) and the Dolphins kicking off their season against the Patriots (September 6^th was the original date of their home opener.) As the family had gone to Wal-Mart to prepare for our Disney Trip on our last week off/last minute back to school shopping, we were greeted by a full store (I know, Wal-Mart’s on a Saturday Afternoon have been and always will be full, but that’s not the point) BUT unlike most Saturday afternoon’s, they were purchasing hurricane supplies, extra water, canned goods, power tools, generators. It was then that it hit my parents, still together at the time and only 6 months away from an acrimonious split that would turn out to be for the best in the end because of the blessings it gave us, holy fucking shit, this storm is coming right at us.

We enjoyed the rest of the day as a family, even ate at Tony Roma’s and took in the Dolphins/Bucs pre-season game there, which was played under a cloud of uncertainty, after all, Andrew was being looked at as “The Big One” and as such, it was a good possibility that maybe, just maybe, it could be the last game ever played at the then-Joe Robbie Stadium. (I didn’t realize the scope of it now, but seriously, had the hurricane’s center only hit about 20 miles to the north, very easy to do since hurricanes tend to wobble as they travel, for all we know the Dolphins could’ve been that year in the same situation as the Saints were after Katrina. And by the way, they still play at Joe Robbie Stadium, only now it’s called LandShark Stadium.)

The next day, it really was a big blur. Every TV station carried wall to wall news coverage of the impending storm, each with their own interpretation of the events. While everyone remembers Bryan Norcross and his calm demeanor through it all on WTVJ, I still remember Rick “Twitter God” Sanchez on channel 7. The sky was falling according to him; it was the anti-Norcross. Since I was only 8 and couldn’t help out anyone, all I could do was watch TV to see what would happen. It was repetitive. 2pm update from the National Hurricane Center, press conference from the Dade County emergency management office or whatever its called, press conference from Gov. Lawton Chiles, news report from gas station of people filling up their tank as well as filling up their spare tanks, news report from Home Depot, news report from Publix, 3pm update. It was the same thing, over and over again. Then it was time to go to sleep, but not for Andrew.

Andrew did its damage late at night; honestly, I slept through most of it. Because of my age and sleeping through most of it, I couldn’t tell you about Bryan Norcross that night, how he pretty much talked South Florida through the worst thing to ever happen to it. And yes, normally I’d make a Dave Wannstedt joke here, but this is a serious part of the blog. I didn’t know what was going on outside, in fact, our house got out of it unscathed, despite the fact that we were in Kendall, one of the areas that received the brunt of the damage. It was only when we woke up that we saw how bad it really was. One house only 5 blocks away from us had its entire wall ripped off. Just 5 blocks away! Sunset drive, the street our townhouse complex was (still is in the case of my dad, who lives there to this day) was completely flooded. I saw signs toppled, power lines knocked down like nothing, trees that were there, gone! This was a lot for my 8 year old brain to really comprehend. All I was thinking was “When does school start” and of course, “What does this mean for the Dolphins?” (Why wonder about the Dolphins? They had a great team that year, and no, Andrew had nothing to do with what ended up happening, I’ll explain later.)

It wasn’t until we were fortunate to get our power back only 3 days later that I found out what had really happened down south. The footage here doesn’t quite do it any justice. Even 17 years later, it’s still heartbreaking to watch. I ended up living in this area during 2005, and we came up relatively unscathed. The areas have picked up beautifully since then, but the psychological fear whenever a storm is approaching is still there. Home Depot, Wal-Mart, Publix and Winn Dixie are always filled, sadly the shelves of water and non-perishables (and in the case of Home Depot and Wal-Mart, power tools and generators) are not. Plywood is bought in bulk like it’s going out of style, because shutters are way too expensive. We’ve made it through other storms since Andrew, but they’ve been brushed off like mosquitoes. Andrew though, well we still haven’t quite shaken it off.

Homestead almost looks brand new. Before Andrew their main focus was the Air Force Base. Things were looking up for the city, the Cleveland Indians were to conduct Spring Training in a brand new stadium there, and Homestead AFB was one of the main Air Force Bases in the Southeastern United States. Andrew however would destroy the stadium, and did enough damage to the base for the Government to consider closing it down completely before instead deciding to make it an Air Reserve Base.

The stadium, while it was rebuilt, wasn’t ready in time for the Indians though, who decided to move up to Winter Park in 1993 before moving back to Arizona last year. The stadium is now used for, well, I don’t even know what it’s used for, it doesn’t have a Wikipedia page for God’s sakes, everything has a Wikipedia page, our podcast is getting one soon!

The one benefit that Homestead received was the construction of a new race track that is the home of NASCAR’s Season Finale. It has been called one of the prettiest tracks in all of NASCAR and also hosts Indy Car races from time to time. The area has also undergone a building boom since Andrew due to the lack of available land throughout Miami-Dade County. It’s still a mostly rural community like it’s been for most of its life, but not as much as it’s been in the past. Still, it took nearly 10 years for the area to fully recover from Andrew’s wrath, and those that where there before and are still there to this day have not recovered psychologically from it.

The rest of Southern Miami-Dade County recovered quicker. Cutler Ridge mall, which was virtually destroyed by Andrew, was reborn as Southland Mall. It’s still kind of ghetto, but I like it. The only signs of Andrew you’ll see around there are psychological signs, and that’s only during Hurricane Season. Metro Zoo, which was destroyed during Andrew, has rebuilt, and while it’s not as much fun to go as it was when I was a kid (and a hell of a lot more expensive) that was probably bound to happen anyways.

Meanwhile, Broward County, mainly Miramar, Weston, and Pembroke Pines, grew thanks in part to those living in South Miami-Dade who lost their homes. Eleven insurance companies closed up shop and left Florida for good, some of them even went out of business outright.

On the sports side of things, which of course I’m known for, The Miami Dolphins ended up having to move their opening day game against the Patriots, but it was complicated. The original plan was to switch the dates, with the Dolphins opening up in New England and the Patriots closing it up in Miami. But due to a scheduling difficulty, the two teams instead had to take Week 1 as their bye week and make up that game on October 16^th, their original bye week. They didn’t use that as an excuse though, as the Dolphins started 6-0, finishing with an 11-5 record, good enough for home field advantage in the playoffs. But their season came to an end at home as the Buffalo Bills defeated them 29-10 to move on to the Super Bowl where they would get destroyed by the Dallas Cowboys. (The Dolphins would’ve at least shown up for the game, the second time that had happened in the Marino era: Dolphins host the AFC Title game, lose to inferior opponent in said title game, watch inferior opponent lose Super Bowl, ugh, fucking Tom Olivadotti!)

The Heat (I know, I haven’t mentioned them all blog!) ended up hosting a charity game against Michael Jordan and the Bulls, a game that I had the pleasure of attending for free. Other than that, they were the pro sports team the least affected by the storm. Their season didn’t start until November anyways, so other than the Hurricane relief game against the Bulls, really not much to write about with them.

The Hurricanes probably had it the worst. Many players lost their homes in the storm. Yet the team ended up going undefeated during the regular season, including Wide Right II, before losing to Alabama in the Sugar Bowl, thanks in part to their cocky trash talking, and the efforts of one Mr. George Teague.

The Marlins didn’t exist until March of 1993. Obviously had they been around, it probably would’ve been a tremendous problem for them. But they weren’t, so we can move on, not that I would’ve cared.

In 17 years, South Florida has changed since Andrew; the biggest change was the fact that it accelerated the White Flight that had been occurring in South Florida. Andrew for many was the last straw. But it also showed a community that came together in the aftermath, people were nicer to each other, and were always willing to help out. Sometimes, that’s the positive part of this otherwise terrible disaster. Plus, building codes were beefed up and are now the toughest in the country, and as a whole, we’re better prepared to handle any situation that comes our way. Andrew might have been a tragedy, but in the long run, can actually be looked at as a good thing, plus, a badge of honor for anyone living in Miami at the time.

Faith and Sports, when athletes REALLY need your prayers

"What Michael Jr. is going [through] is just a bump on the road we call life, Please pray for him, he needs it." –Michael Beasley Sr., Father of Miami Heat F Michael Beasley.

Reading or hearing something like this is usually a black flag. No one wants to hear “pray for him, he needs it”, but then again, doesn’t everybody need to be prayed for at one point or another?

I usually don’t start my blog posts like this. Here I just jumped in, instead of giving you a proper introduction. But this was all the introduction I need. I figured that now I can go over a topic that is somewhat controversial to many, not to me, but too many out there, Faith and Sports.

Why did I use the whole Michael Beasley saga as a jumping off point for this? Well today, I find out that the man who’s supposed to be the future of my favorite basketball team, the man who at the very least is expected to be the Scottie to Wade’s Jordan, at most the team’s main guy if Wade leaves next year, has checked into rehab. For what, it’s not quite certain. I know last year he was fined because he, along with other Heat draft pick Mario Chalmers and Grizzlies’ PF Darrell Arthur had a little party in their hotel room during the NBA’s Rookie Symposium that might’ve involved the use of marijuana. We also know that Beasley was a happy go-lucky good, probably a little too happy go-lucky, you know the type of mood you’d expect from Tommy Chong or Snoop Dogg.

However, it seems to me like this is a problem that’s not so much drug related (I hate calling it that btw, I don’t think weed should even be illegal, too much scientific evidence points to it helping people more than hurting people, and it hasn’t killed a single person in history, as Katt Williams says, Marijuana is a plant that just so happens that when you set it on fire it will get you high. I don’t do it but I’m not against it, if that makes any sense to you) as it is with something else, something far worse that can and does lead to drug use: depression.

I’ve been following Be Easy on twitter since I first got a twitter account in April. Like with most celebrity tweets, whatever he’s said on there I’ve kind of just glossed over, no big deal. After all, I don’t look to Michael Beasley for anything profound; I just look for him to put up 20 points 10 rebounds a game next year and work on his defense. But what I didn’t notice were obvious cries for help he had posted on his account.

"Feelin like it's not worth livin!!!!!!! I'm done"

"I feel like the whole world is against me I can't win for losin"

Usually, if you receive a text like this from one of your best friends, your first reaction is to call him or her and see what’s going on, see what you can do to help. While I may follow Be Easy on Twitter, I don’t know him personally, there’s only one thing I can possibly do, pray for him. I've been through this situation in the past, I didn't need rehab, but I did need a wake up call, something to tell me that life truly was worth living, and my relationship with God only got stronger because of it. So you can say that I know what Michael Beasley is going through, and that makes it easier for me to identify with him. (Weird note, I was around the same age too.)

I usually don’t mix sports and prayer. I’m not the type of sports fan that prays for my team to win, really that’s just stupid and self-indulgent, and God has more important things to worry about than a game. I don’t pray for athletes to perform well, again, God has more important things to worry about. In a world with two conflicts going on in Iraq and Afghanistan, genocide in Darfur, communist dictatorships in North Korea, China, and Cuba, people dying every day in drug wars on the US-Mexico border, crime going on in every major American city at any time, the results of a game, just a silly game, is inconsequential. I don’t even pray when an athlete gets injured because, I know that he’ll have the best medical team available and he’ll be back to normal quicker than you could ever imagine.

But this is something different, this is about a 20 year old kid, one who probably grew up too fast and too soon, and has lived in the spotlight since he was 16-17 tearing it up in the DC area where high school hoops makes you a local (and now a day’s national) celebrity. We’ve seen this story play out before of the high school hoops phenom, some of them turn out very well (LeBron, KG, Kobe) sometimes not so well (Sebastian Telfair, or even worse, Eddie Griffin who committed suicide by deliberately ignoring a railroad sign while driving and allowing a train to hit his SUV) but this isn’t a story condemning the state of young basketball players, we’ve had plenty of those. But the question of too much too soon still applies here. Fact is some people handle these things differently from others. For every LeBron and Kobe, there are at least 10 Telfairs, 10 Griffins, and a few like Be Easy.

So while he may be an athlete and might not get much sympathy for his plight, he has my sympathy; and he has my prayers. Anyone who’s going through depression and feels the need to use alcohol or drugs as an escape from it is someone who needs help and prayers. I’d say this whether Beasley played for the Heat, the Pistons, or the Knicks. Hell if Tom Brady or Albert Pujols were going through this, I’d say the same thing. Hopefully in rehab, Be Easy can get his life back together and can shine like the star everyone expects him to become. He doesn’t even have to do this in a Heat uniform or even on the basketball court, but in his life. Beasley really seems like he’s a good kid. Yes I called him a kid, because he is still just a kid, 20 years old. I hope he gets help for him, and for his daughter, who is only three months old. As much as I’d love to see him as the next great power forward, he also has to be the next great father, both of which he’s more than capable of.

So I will be praying for Michael Beasley when I go to bed tonight, praying that he can overcome his issues, and that he may emerge from all of this as a stronger man, and this helps him grow up.

And selfishly, if it also improves his defense on the court, it will be a major bonus.

Poker Trash

Playing poker could be the most fun way to make money, or the most agonizing way to lose money. I don’t know if anyone has coined that phrase yet, but if no one has, I’m taking it. Poker is about 60% luck and 40% skill, or the other way around. The truth is it’s a crapshoot that you and only you can control. Figuring out how to control that crapshoot is half the battle, the other half is figuring out how to play the people at your table.

Fact is the other people at your table matter a whole lot more than you may think. Play with someone who knows what they’re doing, and if you know what you’re doing then odds are, you’ll have a good day. The problem is the people who DON’T know what they’re doing. They watch the WSOP on ESPN, or the WPT, or Poker After Dark, whatever it may be, and think “hey, I can play that!” because TV makes anything seem easier than it really is. Once upon a time, my freshman year in high school, I was that player. Call me a piggy-backer to the Chris Moneymaker generation, but through years of practice, whether its playing against roommates, friends, or complete strangers at the many places its available in Miami (Miccosukee, Miami Jai-alai, Dania Jai-alai, Seminole Hard Rock, any of the horse tracks or dog tracks), I think I’ve figured out what I have to do in order to win, what people to avoid playing against unless I have a very strong hand, and how to always come out on top.

The biggest problem I have, in all honesty, is the people that don’t know how to play. These guys have money to burn, how this money was gained is usually questionable (remember, I do live in Miami) but they have it. Because of this, they can just play with whatever hands they have, as compared to the more conservative play that I try to use that I base off knowing the rules of poker and what can beat what and how. Because of this, I’ve come up with a list of the people you want to avoid when playing poker, or as I call them, poker trash. Here’s how to spot them in the Miami area.

The rich preppy kid who you just KNOW plays with his trust fund money.

He’s rich, not self-made, hell, his high school GPA was a 1.4 and he only graduated because his dad made a gift out to the school (they’re ALWAYS private school kids, and before you start criticizing me, I’m a private school kid, Columbus High ’02) he didn’t even bother going to Miami-Dade because, well, he doesn’t have to, mommy and daddy are taking care of him. He drives a better car than you and is most likely the guy who will hit on your girlfriend when you leave her alone at a club.

This guy is most likely to call your raise or make a huge raise of his own with an Ace and anything. Meaning if he’s at your table and you have two kings and he calls you, you better pray that there’s no Ace coming. But it always comes, and you want to punch this guy in the face. Life sometimes just isn’t fair.

Note: When playing poker, I take on this persona based off of the private school experience, the fact that I knew guys like this in high school (didn’t everybody?) and the fact that it’s easy for me to pull off based off of my looks. Sometimes you HAVE to take on a persona while playing poker and I like this one because it bugs the crap out of everyone playing!

The wanna-be professional poker player

This guy always wears merchandise from one of the online poker websites as if he’s sponsored by them along with his sunglasses, even though he never got the memo that poker players wearing sunglasses peaked with the Chris Moneymaker era and since then we’ve all agreed that only douchebags do that. He always wants to give a running commentary on your game like he’s the second coming of Norman Chad, thinks he knows EVERYTHING, really knows nothing.

These are the guys that usually give you crap after you lose with your pair of Jacks because someone catches 2 pair with 2 crummy cards, like say, 5-8 off-suit. They swear that they’re so good, yet you’re absolutely sure that they’ve never won a WSOP bracelet, or even a Full Tilt Freeroll, hell, he’s probably never even won a MySpace poker tourney, and anyone who knows anything about poker can win one of those! It’s a pretty safe bet to say that they still live with their parents, and, surprise surprise; they don’t have a girlfriend in sight!

The whipped guy who’s wife comes to bug him every five minutes.

You’re at the tables, things are going well, but then someone can’t make a decision on whether to check, raise, or fold, not because of indecisiveness, but because his wife/girlfriend feels the need to come by to ask for money or whatever. He’s not really someone I hate, I actually feel sorry for the dude. Until I remember this cardinal rule: The girlfriends never ever ever (ever ever!) go to poker night. Just don’t bring her guys, tell her you want some alone time and that through poker, you might win something and she can go out and by something nice, and everything will be gravy!

The guy who gets too technical about the rules in poker and asks silly questions about a raise.

Usually this is the same guy we mentioned in number 2; with the only difference being that he’s using it to disrupt the rhythm of the table. I’m a firm believer that poker is as much about rhythm as it is about skill and luck. If you’re in a good rhythm, you want to continue, if you’re not, it might be wise to leave the table. Good rhythms come and go, but when you’re good and someone decides to disrupt your rhythm by questioning a move that you know very well is legal, then it’s just plain frustrating. Nothing is worse than waiting to play, and this dude knows it, and he’s usually not in the hand, by this time, so he’ll ask a question about it, making the game stop for upwards of 10 minutes at times to get things sorted out. Then, while you may win that game, odds are, you’re not winning another one the rest of the night, them are the breaks!

The guy who blames the dealer for his bad luck.

He went all in despite having 7-2 off suit with the flop showing two A’s and a 7. Of course the guy who put him all in had A-7 suited. The turn and the river came out and did nothing for either of them, but it wouldn’t have made a difference because the other guy had a full house on the flop. But yes, despite your stupidity, it’s the dealer’s fault you lost. Besides fucktard, 7-2 off is the Detroit Lions of hands, you’re never going to win betting on it unless you’re having one of those really lucky days.

6. The chick that’s still new to poker and tries to get the other guys at the table to help her out.

This rarely happens, after Nadia from American Pie became a poker pro, they put in the constitution a law that says that female poker players must look at least 20 years older than they actually are and must smoke 2 packs a day. But when it does happen, every guy on the table seems to go ga-ga. Why you may ask? Well, have you ever seen an old poker player? These are the guys that smoke Camels and continue to wear Member’s Only Jackets. Odds are they probably have a huge collection of porn. They haven’t seen a decent looking woman up close and in person since 1978, so when they see one, they start salivating, and it messes up their game. Younger guys though will try to help this chick out, even though she knows exactly what she’s doing, and it messes them up. These girls don’t bother me because, well, beautiful women don’t intimidate me (its kind of hard to do that when you’re best friend is as beautiful as she is, when that happens you feel like you can talk to any girl on the planet and have a chance, and it turns out, it’s true, all you need is swag, so thanks Diana for letting me borrow some swag) and because, I don’t go to play poker to meet chicks, I go to win money. Besides, usually these girls would rather be with the guy that won all the money then they guy that helped her out.

The middle-aged woman who can’t play to save her life.

It’s a good bet that this lady is a recent divorce’ so she doesn’t quite know what to do with her time. Meanwhile, her husband was an avid poker player, hell; it might be the reason why they got divorced to begin with. But she’s bored, so she figures she’ll try it out. Of course she’s hoping that its like that episode of The Simpsons where Homer buys Marge a Bowling Ball and Marge decides to use it and actually goes bowling and meets Jacques, whom she came really close to cheating on Homer with, but in reality, she’ll just go back home either broke, or with every guy at the table she was playing at hating her more than The Taliban, Nazi’s, and PeTA put together. She’s the type of woman who will hold on to crap and always catch it, even when you’re betting hard.

The guy who’s betting on the ponies while playing.

This is definitely on the list of “Top 10 Signs You Have a Gambling Problem” along side with “Do you have problems sleeping” and “are you stealing money from your family to pay off gambling debts. Look dude, you’re already gambling, do you REALLY need to put down money on the 5:00pm race at Gulfstream at the same time? What really irks me more is this is usually done when it’s his turn to decide, he’ll then look at his cards, for 2 seconds, call whatever raise it is, and goes back to work figuring out which horse to bet on. I really want to kill this guy.

The Guy Dressed Like a Drug Dealer.

He looks like he was an extra on the set of Scarface; he comes around with his flashy clothes, and his jailbird manners. He’ll bet on anything, he’ll call anything, he’s just a dumb player playing his cards because he can, he has the money to do it. He knocks you off when you have good cards because he ALWAYS does this pre-flop, just because he has an Ace or a King. In fact, he’ll go all in, but he has his re-buy in money out already because he knows he’s fucked, but he doesn’t care because he has more money to you. I love beating this guy just so that I can crack jokes like “you know what a hassa is? It’s a pig, that don’t fly straight!” Because, that’s what these guys remind me of.

The Drunken Belligerent guy who doesn’t know how to play.

Drunken gambling is just like Drunken Driving. You might not get hurt, but somebody will, so don’t do it! Usually these guys don’t know how to play poker, but always catch something. (I know, it’s a recurring theme here) If they don’t, it’s the dealer’s fault, and they get belligerent and might even throw their drink at the dealer. Yet somehow, they never get kicked out, and you see them there again the next week. I hate these guys but at the same time I love them, because when you’re on your A game, they’re the best, they’ll call anything you raise with anything, and then when they get all pissed off at you, you can just sit back, smile, and remember that, you’re the one with their chips, meaning they won’t have beer money for that night.

The sore loser poker player that writes 2100 word blogs about poker players they hate.

These guys are little wanna be’s that write out their feelings after a tough day at the tables, these guys…Hey, wait a minute, WHY I OUGHTTA…….

Cubs vs. Marlins..

I’m writing about this just an hour after seeing Kevin Gregg give up back to back jacks to give the Marlins the victory. I wasn’t even surprised by it honestly, I expected it. The power of Kevin Gregg. I can’t wait for the BJ Ryan era to begin, even though he was so terrible with Toronto that they waived him. (Then again the same thing was said about Reed Johnson and that turned out well for us.) But this is about Saturday Night’s roller coaster ride of a game, pardon me for being late, but, I just felt the game had to be written about. So now the story begins.

At the beginning of the year, I stated that I didn’t want to go to see the Cubs when they came to town this year. I go every year they come to town, and it gets worse every year. When I first started making these trips years ago, you could expect attendance in the 30,000’s, with about 25,000 cheering for the Cubs. Dolphin/LandShark/Joe Robbie/Pro Player whatever the stadium’s name was that year was like Tropical Wrigley Field. This made the game enjoyable because even if the Cubs lost, it was mainly Cubs fans there, and the Marlins fans that were there were pretty lo key, happy about their team, just happy that they got a victory.

Then came 2003, Bartman, well not him, more Gonzalez, Alou losing his cool, Dusty not taking Prior out before the inning began but getting let off the hook by Bartman, then throwing the poor guy under the bus by not admitting to his mistake. What’s worse was, it was against the team that was my hometown team. At the beginning of the 2003 NLCS, I took the diplomatic approach, if the Marlins won, I’d cheer for them in the World Series, and I did because they were playing the Yankees and I hate the Yankees because of my feelings towards New York fans plus the whole Miami-New York sports rivalry that no one ever talks about even though it’s given us God knows how many memorable Dolphins-Jets tilts (Monday Night Miracle, Marino averaging something like 6 touchdowns and 450 yards against the Jets in the 80’s but since the Dolphins didn’t have a halfway decent defense the score always averaged something like 52-48 Jets) the Heat/Knicks rivalry which will be reinvigorated if Wade stays with the Heat and the Knicks find a way to stay competitive and sign LeBron next year, and of course the fact that the Mets always seem to fall apart down the stretch every season and the Marlins are involved in one way or another.

But that way of thinking went out the window in the years after. Suddenly, Marlins fans that didn’t go to games showed up for Cubs games. By appearances, it wasn’t so much to cheer the Marlins, but to rag on the Cubs. Hey, I’m all for that, as fans you can do this, just, they showed up in their Jeff Conine and Livan Hernandez jerseys, couldn’t name 10 players on the Marlins’ roster, still thinks Sammy Sosa is with the Cubs and Mark Prior is that night’s starting pitcher. (Fans, I can’t emphasize this enough, go to games, cheer your team, boo the opposition, but if you’re going to do this, know who you’re cheering, know who you’re booing.)

Of course, all some of these moron’s know is “1908”, “Billy Goat”, “Bartman”, and “Curse” (I’ve already discussed the whole “curse” thing, how the only curse is inept management, as well as the whole Bartman thing, not getting into it again, just go here and you’ll get a full explanation.) And, I’m sorry if I offend the Marlins fans I know, and many of them know what they’re talking about with baseball, its that, I get the feeling that they don’t go to every game and do this. Truth is, yeah, the Cubs haven’t won a championship in 100 years, but, the Astros, Padres, Rockies, Brewers and Nationals have never won World Series Championships, hell the Nationals have never been to the world series, and let’s face it, they’re the Nationals (Washington, First in War, First in Peace, but always last in the National League East). The Pirates have been the model for baseball ineptitude in the last 15 years, the Marlins have the Mets number (the same fans do know this and let the Mets know this, again, not against this, the Miami/New York thing), realistically, the Marlins fans can go after just about any team in the National League except for the Phillies and that’s only because the Phillies are defending Champions. But, they go after the Cubs. (I know it’s because a lot of my fellow Cubs fans like to get loud and obnoxious while drunk, sorry about that.)

Again, if these were knowledgeable baseball fans that did it in a respectful way, I’d be fine with it, but last season I pretty much said screw it. After the Cubs lost to the fish last year, as my dad and I were walking down the ramps at then Dolphin Stadium, some lady decked in full Marlins regalia kept walking in front of us holding up a 1908 sign with pictures of Bartman and a Billy Goat on it. No big deal if she’s holding it up during the game between innings and not blocking anyone’s view of the game, but a huge deal when you’re walking right in front of people on an incline and you’re screaming your guts out. White Sox fans wouldn’t even stoop that low. She wasn’t only being an obnoxious little bitch, but she was posing a safety hazard, we almost walked into her about three or four times.

During the game wasn’t much better, it wasn’t only the fans doing it, but the team itself on the Jumbotron. Every Cubs at bat was greeted with the sound of a Billy Goat. Even the team’s marketing campaign in the last few years has been very antagonistic towards fans of other teams. It’s clever yes, but also not too smart in the sense that usually, its fans of the other teams that are your bread and butter. Let’s be honest here Marlins fans, from 1998 until recently when the new ballpark started construction, you weren’t drawing fans unless the Mets, Yankees, Red Sox, or Cubs were coming to town. That’s undisputed; check out the attendance figures for those games in comparison to games against other teams, even other marquis teams like the Dodgers, Giants and Phillies. The last thing you want to do is antagonize other fan bases to the point where they say screw it; I’m not giving that team my money. I really felt that way, after all, they got their stadium, baseball is in Miami to stay, I don’t have to worry about this being the last time I get to see the Cubs in person until I make that move to Chicago that I’ve been contemplating since I was six, I don’t have to give this team my money anymore to see my team.

But my dad got tickets, and I just said screw it, I’m easy, I decided to go, hopefully things will have changed, hopefully the Marlins fans would be a bit less obnoxious, and, hopefully, the Cubs would win.

Well, the Marlins fans were a bit subdued from previous years, but I think the fact that the Cubs jumped out to a 6-0 lead early had something to do with that. At the time I texted my friend (and fellow Cubs fan from Illinois) Liz and told her “I haven’t had so much fun at a Cubs game in years” which was true. (Also true, it was the two year anniversary of my first Wrigley Field game, and yes, I keep track of crap like that. All baseball fans, regardless of the team they root for, must visit Wrigley Field, Fenway Park, and Dodger Stadium at least once in their life. Old Yankee Stadium was on that list but New Yankee Stadium isn’t because it was the history of Old Yankee Stadium that puts it at that level.) Well, that text was, in hindsight, a mistake. The game was NOT fun after that. The Marlins kept inching their way back, seriously, if this team had a halfway decent manager, they’d be on their way to October, especially with the shrewd Nick Johnson deal. One run an inning, it felt like one of those slow deaths. Then Marmol came into the game with the score at 6-5, one night after he had a huge meltdown, loaded the bases, yet got out of it. Top of the 9^th, finally they get some runs. Theriot (the cubs MVP this year, I’m not arguing this) who didn’t even start the game, doubles home two runs to make the score 8-5. I’m feeling good as a Cubs fan, but, you can’t, not when your closer is Kevin Gregg, former Marlins closer, the guy that my cousin laughed when he heard the Cubs traded for him, a man whose nickname form this point on will be the walking blown save.

Gregg gets two quick outs, and then comes Ronny Paulino. Home run. 8-6. Then Coghlan came up, single. Nick Johnson comes up, double. Then up comes Emilio Bonafacio, now known as the much maligned Emilio Bonafacio. He was only batting 3^rd because he replaced Hanley, who was injured by a Zambrano pitch earlier in the game. Triple! Incredible, tie game. Thankfully Jorge Cantu, who had been the Marlins’ most clutch hitter all season, grounded out. (He had a terrible game, 2 errors.) Tie game going into extras, I left to smoke a cigarette.

That was the best move, because then, Derrek Lee launched a homerun to start off the 10^th. Had I not left, there’d be no home run, other Cubs fans around me believed the same thing about them. When you’re that swept up into fandom, you believe these things, no matter how stupid they may seem. I come back, see Ramirez is hit in the elbow and he’s dizzy. Great, just what we need, first we lost Zambrano after only 3 innings (the main reason why we blew a 6 run lead) due to back stiffness, now Aramis is out.

The bottom of the 10^th I was bracing for the worst, but, the worst didn’t come to pass. Cubs got the win. Walking out, there were no obnoxious Marlins fans trying to trip us, no one talking crap. I would’ve loved to have seen the reaction of a bunch of Marlins fans leaving with a dejected look on their faces, trying to think of what to say. Didn’t come to pass. All I heard was a cacophony of “Go Cubs Go” from fellow Cubs fans, and a smattering of compliments of my Harry Carrey T-shirt that says “Cub Fan, Bud Man.” (Another note about that shirt, for every 3 compliments from fellow Cubs fans I’ve heard about the shirt, I get some people thinking that by Bud it means the other type of Bud that can alter you. It’s my favorite double entendre t-shirt, and it’s not even meant to be one!)

Of course, one day later, I saw Kevin Gregg blow another save, only this time it leads to a Cubs loss. They won the season series against the Marlins 4-3 thanks to a 3-1 series win at Wrigley in May, but lost this series 2-1. We’re a half game behind St. Louis, and still have had yet to be fully healthy. Yes, Kevin Gregg is probably going to be the man to lead us to choke down the stretch, and no, I don’t think they have it this year, they won’t win it all. But still an enjoyable game.

Other notes from this weekend’s series.

-Cubs/Marlins is a full rivalry. No one really knows how much these two teams are linked. It’s not just 03, but also the fact that many past/current Cubs and many past/current Marlins were at one time playing for the opposite team. In fact, just take a look at the link between the two teams and what players played for both.

Andre Dawson

Moises Alou

Antonio Alfonseca

Ryan Dempster

Derrek Lee

Juan Pierre

Matt Clement

Julian Tavarez

Kevin Gregg

Luis Gonzalez

Hee Sop Choi

Sergio Mitre

Lenny Harris

And I know I’m leaving off a few players from that list. Even more interesting is that some of the players that were in the Cubs system but became Marlins…

Dontrelle Willis (traded alongside Julian Tavarez for Matt Clement and Antonio Alfonseca)

Ricky Nolasco (traded alongside Sergio Mitre for Juan Pierre)

Again, I know I’m leaving some players off the list. Fact is the Marlins and Cubs front offices have a great relationship. Since 2002, there have been four trades between the two teams, and the Marlins have gotten the better of the deal in two of them, and the other two being a wash. (Marlins got the better of the deal in Nolasco and Mitre for Pierre because Pierre was terrible in his one year with the Cubs and went on to sign with the Dodgers where he found his ability to run and hit again while Nolasco is a key part to their rotation, and in the Kevin Gregg deal only because of addition by subtraction, the DLee-Choi deal was a wash because the Marlins spun Choi off to acquire Encarnacion, Lo Duca, and Guillermo Mota and the D-Train and Alfonseca for Tavarez and Clement deal was a wash because the Marlins wouldn’t have gotten as far in 03 without D-Train, and the Cubs wouldn’t have gotten that far that year had it not been for Clement). And that’s without going into the many proposed deals the two almost made (like Mike Lowell for Bobby Hill and prospects in 2003, or this year’s rumored Jeremy Hermida deal.) Point being, if I’m the Cubs, I’m only making a trade with the Marlins if I have a chance at acquiring Hanley Ramirez, Josh Johnson, or Ricky Nolasco, ironically the only three players the Marlins have who they would consider untouchable. (Last year I would’ve traded DLee and made a play for Mike Jacobs and Scott Olsen by the way. That doesn’t count though because none of them are Marlins anymore anyways.)

-Speaking of Derrek Lee, I’ve given him a lot of shit this year, but, had it not been for him, the Cubs would’ve lost that game. It’s like he knew what I said about him in the podcast and what I’ve been writing about him, and somehow knew I was going to be in attendance at the game, so he wanted to really stick it to me. So yesterday he goes 4 for 6 and was just a triple away from the cycle, had 3 ribbies and the game winning home run, then today he goes 1 for 4 and drives in another run. Overall for the series he goes 6 for 14 (that’s a .429 average) with a double, home run, and 4 ribbies. I’ll leave him alone until the next time he grounds into a double play with one out and the Cubs either trailing or tied, which should be sometime this week.

-Both teams seem to bring the most out of each other. These teams are different from the 03 versions of both squads. No Marlin from 03 is on this year’s team, and the only Cubs from 03 on this year’s team are Ramirez and Zambrano. Despite that, the matchups between the two teams are hot tickets in both Miami and at Wrigley every year, and both teams play each other to close, exciting games, and you can tell there is some bad blood between Marlins and Cubs fans. Doesn’t that make it a rivalry? Why isn’t it sold as such? I just have a feeling that these two teams will compete against each other in October again, maybe even this year, who knows. Fact is though, if the Marlins organization can stop their marketing plan of antagonizing fans of other teams and let actual Marlins fans do it, then it will be more fun than it is now. It’s not fun, and that’s the Marlins’ organizations fault. The do this to every team, and while it’s clever and funny, it’s also stupid. Let the fans be the ones to antagonize the other fans. (Plus, what if a massive fight occurs between a Marlins fan and a fan of the Mets or Cubs, whites to say the Cubs or Mets fan won’t name the Marlins in a potential suit saying that the Marlins themselves have some responsibility because they helped to rile up the fans into that type of frenzy. Do the Marlins need that negative publicity at this point? We’ll find out the next time the Mets come to town.)

-Finally, the new Marlins Ballpark is official, and it does look like it’s going to be nice. However for it to work, Miami needs to improve its infrastructure. I have some ideas of my own, and I’ll be pointing them out later. Until then, see you guys later, thanks for reading.