Wednesday, March 30, 2011

On Westboro Baptist Church, Illuminati and Conspiracy Theories

You ever put a lot of thought into something, and it just consumes you to the point where you can't think of anything else, despite the sheer stupidity behind it?

I've had that problem the last couple of weeks with two things: The Westboro Baptist Church and internet conspiracy theorists who talk about the illuminati.

Perhaps as part of my illusions of grandeur and the delusion of me being the smartest man in the world (I'm smart enough to know I'm not, which should make me the smartest man in the world) I feel like if I say something about both, all discussions will stop, Westboro Baptist Church will stop spreading their message of hate and bigotry, and people will stop believing that somehow a secret group controls everything in the world.

Yet I know thats not the case so I'll just write about it and watch the debate start.

First off, WBC. Fred Phelps, I don't know if you know this but, in that same bible you preach contains messages that God hates this and that, it also contains a message from God's son, who he sent to die on a cross for all of our sins. What does his son say?

Love thy neighbor.

See Mr. Phelps, God is merciful and loving, at least the God I saw in the New Testament (I'll admit that in the old Testament he's kind of a prick) and even loves you.

I even love you, because God tells me to love every one of his creations and sadly, you are one of his creations too.

But do you realize the pain you put onto the families of soldiers by protesting their funerals? How would you feel if one of your children passed away and a group of Athiests and Agnostics came to their funeral to protest?

I know you don't think about things like that. You just want to spread your hateful agenda. You know what, I'm ok with that. Not because I agree with you (I vehemently disagree with everything you and your hateful church stand for) but because of the first amendment. The same law that gives me the right to write this blog applies to you too. I don't have a problem with you protesting, my only wish is that you and your congregation showed more respect for mankind.

Speaking of mankind, just a quick view on YouTube will tell you that we're doomed. Apparently we're not in control of everything, instead, its the illuminati. They're responsible for 9/11, World War II, and every other terrible thing that's happened to Planet Earth.

Oh and their membership is large: to join you must sell your soul to the devil, then apparently make stupid hand motions, look, LeBron James is even a member:

ZOINKS SCOOBY! Look at that, we are doomed! The World is run by the illuminati! AHHHHHHH!!!!!! GET ME MY TIN FOIL HAT!!!

Back to reality, look at that video again. The triangle motion is for Roc-A-Fella records, which at one point was owned by Jay-Z, who himself has been accused of being a member of the illuminati and selling his soul to the devil. They claim the triangle is a sign of the devil, as is the chef's "OK" hand sign and the rock and roll hand sign that's also known as "Hook 'em Horns." LeBron does the chef's "OK" hand sign on both hands, which signifies 3-3-0, the area code for Akron, Ohio. Akron as you may know is his hometown.

I'm going to debunk every conspiracy theory known to man right here and right now, and I'm stealing from Penn and Teller to do so: Watergate.

The government couldn't even break into an office and steal a couple of files without significantly screwing that operation up. This is something that has been done before and done since without a hitch, yet the Government messed it up royally.

So how could these same people manage to fake a moon landing, blow up the WTC while blaming terrorists, and other so-called conspiracies without screwing those up? Those would be much harder to pull off than breaking into an office building and stealing a few files right?

Of course that's the reality, but these Illuminati conspiracy theorists won't consider such.

I have a couple of theories. The first one is easy and ties back to the WBC. Look at any illuminati conspiracy theory, and they claim that the illuminati controls Hollywood and the Banks. That's interesting because according to the same people, it is always the Jews who control Hollywood and the Banks. Now I'm not saying that there's an anti-semetic sentiment here, but, there's an anti-Semetic sentiment here.

Everyone has dreams and aspirations to make something of themselves. However, not everyone has the drive, work ethic, or talent to make it work. Jay-Z had to struggle to become the mogul that he is today. LeBron spent hours a day practicing in a gym since he was 8 to become the basketball player that he is today.

But some people can't accept that they don't have the talent or worse, the work ethic. People don't like being held responsible for themselves, they rely on others too much. Look how easy it is for a group at your job or at school to assess blame on each other when a project or assignment goes poorly and you'll see what I mean.

When you don't succeed, about 99% of the time its your fault. But instead of taking the responsibility and trying again like Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, and yes even Jay-Z and LeBron James have done, the majority of people just want to blame others and look for other reasons that they failed.

So in comes this illuminati talk. Its not that Jay-Z is a great rapper alone, there are so many dope rappers out there that are better than him, he had to have sold his soul to the devil to succeed. That's the logic behind such talk that ignores Jay-Z's tireless work ethic through the years.

And its not that LeBron James is a 6 ft. 8 inch 250lb genetic freak who took to basketball at a young age that helped his greatness. He had to have sold his soul to the devil. Again, this ignores the fact that he worked his @$$ off to get to where he is today.

Besides, if LeBron really sold his soul to the devil then he should be asking for a refund right about now. He sells Satan his soul and he still doesn't have a ring? WTF!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Music Fans Have Finally Found Something They Can All Agree They Hate...

In 2004, Blender called this Starship song "We Built This City" the worst song ever. It is usually revilled whenever its heard, especially by my girlfriend Sara, who herself has claimed it to be "terrible."

Now, I love the song. Part of the charm is how bad it is. But dammit is it so catchy, and 80's, and other things I love, mainly ironic and contradictory.

The band Starship began as Jefferson Airplane, a psychedelic rock band from San Francisco formed in the late 60's. They were as anti-corporate and innovative as you could get. The irony in this song is the fact that its so corporate and non-innovative. Their follow-up to this song, also a song I like, was even worse; a love song called "Sara" and had a video that starred then Hollywood It-Girl Rebecca De Mornay as the titular Sara character. (Then again, both videos are kind of trippy: "We Built This City" features large dice bowling over people on the Vegas strip, while "Sara" seems to be more about an oncoming tornado in the Midwest than about a girl.)

What's my point? Well despite the hatred this song gets, people out there either liked or still like the song. And I know I'm not alone, I have stats to prove it: 591,000 YouTube hits, and most importantly, it was Number 1 on the Billboard charts the week of November 16-November 23, 1985.

For the most part, that describes music. Some people will love it, some will hate it. Music will never make you ambivalent, and even the truly great ones get a polarizing reaction for their music alone.

So what does it take for someone to release a song that everyone seems to agree on sucks? Honestly, I this was it.

Dear Pittsburgh...this totally wipes out any goodwill with me you built by giving us Dan Marino. That is all.

Sorry I had to go on a tangent, but, I mean do you HEAR THIS CRAP? This is why people don't like hip hop and continue to dismiss it. For every 2pac, Biggie, Bone Thugs, Jay-Z, Eazy-E, and Snoop, theres a clown like this.

If you don't "already know what it is" this is Wiz Khalifa, part of "Taylor Gang." What is this song about? Well its just about being repetitive and just saying Black and Yellow over and over again while sneaking in some trite lyrics about driving a black and yellow car, smoking weed, and making money. To me, this song is TERRIBLE, in fact, I hate Taylor Gang because of the "Taylor Gang or DIE" mentality, which has since been adopted by Los Angeles Lakers fans who scream "Team Lakers or DIE!"

So of course, this song is a hit.

No, THIS is the song that has united a country in hatred of a song.

Hold on, let me get this straight: a 23 year old can write a song that just repeats his two favorite colors over and over again, and everybody seems to love it, we've accepted the Jonas Brothers for five years (and counting), we've accepted (to a point) Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and whomever Disney feels like shoving down our throats this week, yet THIS song is the tipping point where everyone unanimously hates it? Really? What did I miss.

I'm not saying its good, its not. Its shallow, vapid manufactured pop music for the masses with no soul, which gives it something in common with everything else mentioned above.

So why is this girl getting all the crap and yet we give Wiz, the JoBro's and others a free pass (yes I know, no one gets a free pass per se, but I mean in the unanimous "this is crap" decision.)

I think I know why: guilt. I hate to bring this up, but since Janet Jackson's Super Bowl "Wardrobe Malfunction," music has been sliding more towards the end of shallow, vapid and safe. The 80's were like that too, but at least it was shallow vapid and safe with a soul, if that makes any sense.

Recent music has lacked soul. The best bands are indie bands, and rappers stopped rapping about real life the way that Pac, Biggie and Eminem used to. By 2011, we had Dr. Dre releasing "Detox" which so far sounds like it should be a Flo-Rida album (nothing wrong with Flo-Rida, just I want Dre), Eminem doing Chrysler ads, and one of the top rappers of today hailing from Canada and being famous for starring in "Degrassi."

To add to that, Nickleback passed for "Great Rock" when it should've just been "decent party rock." They're just great in comparison with everything else.

Collectively we're starting to wake up from that, even though I've been seeing this and warning people about it since 2005. But now, we're awake as a whole, and Rebecca Black, the singer of "Friday" is getting the brunt of the abuse.

I don't think its deserved though. Yes, its horrible, shallow, soulless, manufactured, and, well bad. But here's the thing: she's 13. If a 13 year old future pop star needs a song, this is the song to give her. It is catchy, and when making pop music, especially to appeal to her demographic, catchy is all thats important. And yes, I HATE the song, but there are songs that I hate more that are worse.

But my heart goes out to her, she's only trying to live a dream, and just as she has a chance to do it, you have these internet tough guys telling her to die. Now as someone who's dealt with such people on Bleacher Report, I can empathize with the poor girl on this one. Someone who left me a death threat and told me to die over something I wrote is an asshole. However the people who said this to her, well, if they're over the age of 18 (yes its possible) then may God have mercy on their souls.

Rebecca, keep your head up and keep doing what you're doing. I hope you get that duet with Justin Bieber. Yes, it will probably be the most hated song in the history of pop music, but here's something else I know: it will also get a lot of iTunes downloads, a lot of YouTube views, and will be #1 on the charts.

Oh, and to everyone else, if you truly hate something, don't watch the videos, change the station when its on the radio, and don't discuss it. Remember, in entertainment, any reaction is a good reaction, the best way to make crappy music go away is to just ignore it. The first time I looked up the "Black and Yellow" song on YouTube was to do this article, and it will also be the last, same with "Friday."

But because of idiots like me who wrote a blog about it, and more importantly everyone else, both of these songs have legs. In other words, we have no one to blame for crap but ourselves.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Are you happy right now?

About What? For the most part, yes, I'm extremely happy, yeah there are something that could be better, but there always will be in anyones life, but other than that, I'm feeling very good about a lot of important things, including my great girlfriend who I know wrote this question lol.

Ask me anything, literally, ANYTHING!

Watchin LeBron struggle is the best thing to ever happen in my life. I know you're probably all down in the dumps and depressed over it, which makes it even better. Hope this drives you to suicide you cocksucker.

You want an answer from me? Then Just read this:

Ask me anything, literally, ANYTHING!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Is the Slim Shady I Grew Up Listening To Back?

Remember back in 2000 when life was more simple?

When we were worried about the President Of The United States lying about cheating on his wife instead of him possibly lying about his religion?

When I was only in high school and life at least seemed better?

At that time, it was no argument, Eminem was the most interesting man in all of music as well as the greatest rapper alive.

Eminem's apex (1999-2002) compares favorably with that of 2pac's (1994-1996), Jay-Z's (2001-2003), and Ice Cube's (1990-1993), and far surpasses that of so-called current "Greatest Rapper Alive" Lil Wayne (his apex was actually 2004-2008, and even then you could argue that T.I. or Kanye were actually the best rappers of that time period.)

But Eminem has slipped, despite the acclaim that his latest album got. However the track I just posted shows signs of promise, and has me wondering and hoping that Eminem has returned to the Slim Shady that I remember.

For the sake of music as a whole, I hope so.