Saturday, August 27, 2011

Why Couldn't This Have Been Invented When I was Growing Up?

Ah Children. I don't have them.

Its on purpose of course, I'm the type of person who doesn't want to cross that bridge until I feel I'm ready, so I've done everything except one thing (and I'm blessed that I've never been in a situation to do that one thing) to ensure that I wouldn't become a daddy until I'm ready.

But now that I feel that I've found the love of my life, well, I'm thinking it might be time.

No not now, we're not even really ready for marriage yet (I'm pretty traditional with that stuff), but it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to have a child.

Of course one problem with having a child is not being able to share your music with them until their older. Even then I know that my children will call me old for listening to Kanye West, Eminem and other artists of all genres that I grew up with (if that happens I'm a failure as a parent, it will be my mission that three things happen with my kids: 1. That they're safe and provided for, 2. if I have a daughter I'll do whatever it takes to make sure she doesn't become a stripper and with a son I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that he doesn't become one of those weird dudes that goes to Strip Clubs on Tuesday afternoons, and 3. That they don't listen to shitty music) but then, I find this:

Yup, all of your favorite songs in lullaby form!

Thankfully, there's no reggeaton. I don't think that could translate to lullabies. Thankfully no Miguel either.

But instead we get some of the best bands from the last 50 years.

You want your child to be raised on The Beatles? They got that!

You more of a Stones fan? Look no further!

Aerosmith? He or She will be "Cryin" for this one!

From Led Zepplin to AC/DC, you can soothe your little bundle of joy to sleep with the soothing melodies of Classic Rock and even more current artists such as Coldplay and Queens of the Stone Age.

I just have a feeling that between me and Sara (assuming she's the one, which I believe she is) have a child together, Pearl Jam will become the choice.

But what about some of the ones I didn't mention? Like Nine Inch Nails. Yeah, they have Closer. Oh you want a listen? Here.

Yikes! That song? Of all songs? Don't get me wrong, I love the actual song, but as a lullaby? Listen to the actual song, yeah, kind of awkward.

Of course they also have lullabies that make sure your child becomes a self-centered, egotistical jerk. Granted with some parents they're already well on their way to doing that anyways but I doubt this helps.

Now its not bad, just, you'll hear this once your child is old enough to have a vocabulary.

"Mommy, Mommy, ay yo mommy hold up! I'm really happy for you and imma let you finish, but I just took the greatest doody of all time! OF ALL TIME!"

Then there's, um, this.

Yes, this is what you want your child to fall asleep to. What's the original song about again?

Oh right.

Actually, I think Metallica is my choice now. If my child can fall asleep to that, then for sure they won't be the little softies you see now a days.

No comments:

Post a Comment