Why Couldn't This Have Been Invented When I was Growing Up?

Ah Children. I don't have them.

Its on purpose of course, I'm the type of person who doesn't want to cross that bridge until I feel I'm ready, so I've done everything except one thing (and I'm blessed that I've never been in a situation to do that one thing) to ensure that I wouldn't become a daddy until I'm ready.

But now that I feel that I've found the love of my life, well, I'm thinking it might be time.

No not now, we're not even really ready for marriage yet (I'm pretty traditional with that stuff), but it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world to have a child.

Of course one problem with having a child is not being able to share your music with them until their older. Even then I know that my children will call me old for listening to Kanye West, Eminem and other artists of all genres that I grew up with (if that happens I'm a failure as a parent, it will be my mission that three things happen with my kids: 1. That they're safe and provided for, 2. if I have a daughter I'll do whatever it takes to make sure she doesn't become a stripper and with a son I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that he doesn't become one of those weird dudes that goes to Strip Clubs on Tuesday afternoons, and 3. That they don't listen to shitty music) but then, I find this:

http://www.rockabyebabymusic.com

Yup, all of your favorite songs in lullaby form!

Thankfully, there's no reggeaton. I don't think that could translate to lullabies. Thankfully no Miguel either.

But instead we get some of the best bands from the last 50 years.

You want your child to be raised on The Beatles? They got that!

You more of a Stones fan? Look no further!

Aerosmith? He or She will be "Cryin" for this one!

From Led Zepplin to AC/DC, you can soothe your little bundle of joy to sleep with the soothing melodies of Classic Rock and even more current artists such as Coldplay and Queens of the Stone Age.

I just have a feeling that between me and Sara (assuming she's the one, which I believe she is) have a child together, Pearl Jam will become the choice.

But what about some of the ones I didn't mention? Like Nine Inch Nails. Yeah, they have Closer. Oh you want a listen? Here.

Yikes! That song? Of all songs? Don't get me wrong, I love the actual song, but as a lullaby? Listen to the actual song, yeah, kind of awkward.

Of course they also have lullabies that make sure your child becomes a self-centered, egotistical jerk. Granted with some parents they're already well on their way to doing that anyways but I doubt this helps.

Now its not bad, just, you'll hear this once your child is old enough to have a vocabulary.

"Mommy, Mommy, ay yo mommy hold up! I'm really happy for you and imma let you finish, but I just took the greatest doody of all time! OF ALL TIME!"

Then there's, um, this.

Yes, this is what you want your child to fall asleep to. What's the original song about again?

Oh right.

Actually, I think Metallica is my choice now. If my child can fall asleep to that, then for sure they won't be the little softies you see now a days.

Tommy's Musical Rant

I love music. But I love good music.

The following blog isn't about good music.

Now I'm not going to focus on the Rebecca Black's or the Justin Biebers or the people who aren't musicians who try to be (looking at you Shaq.) No, I'm focusing on popular music that's terrible.

Where should I start?

Well I'll start with great comedian and prophet Bill Hicks. This routine of his explains why music for the most part, sucks.

Now we can all agree that drugs are bad, mmkay? (That's another blog by the way.) But its true, mediocrity and banality are not good examples for the children either. To quote Mr. Hicks, we want musicians who play from their f**king heart!

But mediocrity and banality sells, like this steaming pile of dog turds.

Ok, can you even dance to this? Can you drive to this? What can you do to this song? And did you see those simpleton lyrics? Guy just names things that go together. All that was missing was "you can be peanut butter, and I'm your jelly baby; and I'm the bacon baby you're the eggs, oooh."

Bad lyrics, a beat that you can't do anything to, this song is nothing more than just a sheer example of lyrical stupidity that only stupid people seem to like.

Based off the charts, this world is full of stupid people. Stupid people that don't know what they want, so don't get what they want. Isn't that right British not the father of Michael Jackson Joe Jackson?

Now for the next song. This is supposed to be party music, yet much like the other song above by Miguel, I can't dance to this. Of course, earlier this summer I received the fantastic news that they broke up, however that only means more sample-heavy productions from Will.I.Am and more Fergie. Here's the Black Eyed Peas.

OWWW!!!! I have a headache! And the fact that this song is more than six minutes long? YEESH! See, modern party music doesn't just have to be a seizure-causing beat and simpleton lyrics. It can be done right even in 2011, right Cee-Lo?

Now THIS is something you can jam to. Yeah, the lyrics are simple, but they're sung well, the song is well produced, and its not too long. This is what a Summer pop hit should sound like. You would think more people would try to emulate Cee-Lo's success and be good. But oh no, good doesn't always sell. Instead we get this.

Ahh...I actually like Bruno Mars, but anyone can write crap. At least he's honest though. He said he didn't feel like doing anything, and apparently writing a song was one of those anythings he didn't feel like writing. Hey, I can at least understand why this song is popular. He's on a run. Sometimes when musicians get on a good run its like playing poker. Anything and everything hits. So I'm not really too against this song, but lets just call it what it is, crap. I mean, all he does is name things he doesn't feel like doing!

Maybe I should summon Joe Jackson again, because I think Bruno needs to grab his lady (not the one he caught the grenade for because she wouldn't do the same for him) and step out for a bit.

Just something about this song is magical. Even the lyrics, which really aren't that great. Funny tidbit about Joe Jackson (I've been listening to him a lot lately by the way) is that his two biggest hits are probably his worst songs (yet they're still better than 99% of what we have now.) That's the music industry for you!

Finally, I have to attack this.

Whoa whoa whoa! Cat Stevens (now Yusuf Islam) wrote this song after being dumped by his girlfriend. Its beautiful, melodic, and could best be described as the breakup song that someone like me would like.

That's not a good thing.

Its pretentious, holier than thou, and actually talks down to the girl. I'm pretty sure the girl would rather he just tell her to go fuck herself and be on his way as opposed to saying:

I'll always remember you, like a child, girl.

A lyric like this I can only think of one thing to say:

Why don't you have a seat?

Sure he was 22 when he wrote the song while the girl in question was 19, but if you're looking at a woman as a child, well then you have a lot more problems than she probably has, its plain to see why she left you in the first place, and if you communicate it in a song, I think it says more about you than it does her.

Well finally, here's an old song that has been made popular again by wrestler CM Punk. He started using it as an entrance theme, and thank God, it sure as hell is better than "You Can't See Me, The Time is Now" and just flat out rocks, but also has a great message behind it, so I leave you with this, and also to link this article on facebook, follow me on twitter, take care, and spike your hair. Woo Woo Woo, you know it.

Common Sense Approach To Politics (AKA How I Discovered That I'm A Libertarian.)

One of the things I've always kept close to the vest has been my political leanings.

To quote Michael Jordan, "Republicans Buy Shoes Too" and my feeling has always been that people from all across the political spectrum read my stuff, so I try to keep political matters out of it partly because I don't want to turn some people off since apparently we're in a time period where instead of seeking knowledge we'd rather find what we agree with and just nod and smile like idiots, and partly because I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the political type.

But recently I've been seeking out knowledge and have been more outspoken. Mainly when it comes to the financial side of things.

I started off with Chomsky, and found myself disagreeing with him. Heavily. Part of it is my upbringing, I'm Cuban-American. Chomsky meanwhile is the classic example of the Academic Socialist.

But the other reason I disagreed with Chomsky is that somewhere in my DNA something clicked that told me that Socialism doesn't work. It probably manifested itself at the age of six as I watched on TV with my parents as the Berlin Wall fell to the ground, followed by seeing the Soviet Union collapse on TV at the age of eight, and not knowing fully why what happened happened. Add that to the family story of why we're in the United States, then learning about both subjects through time, and I knew that Socialism and Communism didn't work.

When I was younger I'll admit, I was a bit liberal. Part of it was disapproving of the job done by George W. Bush while he was in office, yet despite agreeing with him on areas of National Defense, something in me told me that this guy didn't fit my beliefs either. Yet, neither did the Democrats.

So what the hell was I? I knew I wasn't a Tea Party person not because I disagreed with them, if anything they had great ideas on some things that I agreed with. I can't consider myself a Republican because on a lot of Social issues I identify more with the Democrats, but to me, both parties are the same.

Then I took a political test. Here are the results, in bold:

You are libertarian. You think that the government is making way too many unnecessary laws that are taking away our innate rights. You believe that the government's job is primarily to protect people from harming other people, but after that they should mind their own business, and if we give the government too much power in controlling our lives, it can lead to fascism.

Jackpot.

The Libertarian philosophy seems to be the most common sense philosophy. As simple as possible, its live your life but don't hurt others, and be responsible for yourself and your family.

Even then I took a test to see if I was a "pure Libertarian", the answer I got was that I was a medium-core libertarian. This is mainly because I believe that the Police, Military, and Judicial system should be run by the Government, and most importantly, should be the ONLY things run by the government.

What about schools? Well, that's up to the states and the parents. If a voucher system was implemented, just imagine the problems we'd avoid. First and most importantly, all parents would have a choice, meaning the public school system would have to find ways to compete with private schools. On top of that, questions of whether to teach evolution, intelligent design, or both would be only up to the parents of the child. If they want to send their children to a school that teaches evolution, they could do that. If they'd rather send their child to a school that teaches intelligent design, they could do that too. Instead of making it a costly political battle, just leave it up to the parents. (I for one think both theories should be taught and left up to the student and parents to decide in the end. As for my feelings on this battle, that's for whenever I feel like writing about my faith.)

Now is Libertarian the perfect political philosophy? No, but its to me the most common sense approach. I do think that Government needs to be less. I do think that people need to take more responsibility for themselves. And most importantly, I do think that you as a person know better on how to live your life than someone up in Washington and Tallahassee (or Austin or Springfield or Albany, whichever is the state capital of your homes state) who has never met you before.

I encourage you all to take the test and leave your results in a comment at the bottom. Also if you're curious feel free to ask me whatever questions you'd like about Libertarianism.

Political Quiz

Libertarian Purity Quiz, just in case you get Libertarian too.

Wikipedia Entry on Libertarianism.

On Westboro Baptist Church, Illuminati and Conspiracy Theories

You ever put a lot of thought into something, and it just consumes you to the point where you can't think of anything else, despite the sheer stupidity behind it?

I've had that problem the last couple of weeks with two things: The Westboro Baptist Church and internet conspiracy theorists who talk about the illuminati.

Perhaps as part of my illusions of grandeur and the delusion of me being the smartest man in the world (I'm smart enough to know I'm not, which should make me the smartest man in the world) I feel like if I say something about both, all discussions will stop, Westboro Baptist Church will stop spreading their message of hate and bigotry, and people will stop believing that somehow a secret group controls everything in the world.

Yet I know thats not the case so I'll just write about it and watch the debate start.

First off, WBC. Fred Phelps, I don't know if you know this but, in that same bible you preach contains messages that God hates this and that, it also contains a message from God's son, who he sent to die on a cross for all of our sins. What does his son say?

Love thy neighbor.

See Mr. Phelps, God is merciful and loving, at least the God I saw in the New Testament (I'll admit that in the old Testament he's kind of a prick) and even loves you.

I even love you, because God tells me to love every one of his creations and sadly, you are one of his creations too.

But do you realize the pain you put onto the families of soldiers by protesting their funerals? How would you feel if one of your children passed away and a group of Athiests and Agnostics came to their funeral to protest?

I know you don't think about things like that. You just want to spread your hateful agenda. You know what, I'm ok with that. Not because I agree with you (I vehemently disagree with everything you and your hateful church stand for) but because of the first amendment. The same law that gives me the right to write this blog applies to you too. I don't have a problem with you protesting, my only wish is that you and your congregation showed more respect for mankind.

Speaking of mankind, just a quick view on YouTube will tell you that we're doomed. Apparently we're not in control of everything, instead, its the illuminati. They're responsible for 9/11, World War II, and every other terrible thing that's happened to Planet Earth.

Oh and their membership is large: to join you must sell your soul to the devil, then apparently make stupid hand motions, look, LeBron James is even a member:

ZOINKS SCOOBY! Look at that, we are doomed! The World is run by the illuminati! AHHHHHHH!!!!!! GET ME MY TIN FOIL HAT!!!

Back to reality, look at that video again. The triangle motion is for Roc-A-Fella records, which at one point was owned by Jay-Z, who himself has been accused of being a member of the illuminati and selling his soul to the devil. They claim the triangle is a sign of the devil, as is the chef's "OK" hand sign and the rock and roll hand sign that's also known as "Hook 'em Horns." LeBron does the chef's "OK" hand sign on both hands, which signifies 3-3-0, the area code for Akron, Ohio. Akron as you may know is his hometown.

I'm going to debunk every conspiracy theory known to man right here and right now, and I'm stealing from Penn and Teller to do so: Watergate.

The government couldn't even break into an office and steal a couple of files without significantly screwing that operation up. This is something that has been done before and done since without a hitch, yet the Government messed it up royally.

So how could these same people manage to fake a moon landing, blow up the WTC while blaming terrorists, and other so-called conspiracies without screwing those up? Those would be much harder to pull off than breaking into an office building and stealing a few files right?

Of course that's the reality, but these Illuminati conspiracy theorists won't consider such.

I have a couple of theories. The first one is easy and ties back to the WBC. Look at any illuminati conspiracy theory, and they claim that the illuminati controls Hollywood and the Banks. That's interesting because according to the same people, it is always the Jews who control Hollywood and the Banks. Now I'm not saying that there's an anti-semetic sentiment here, but, there's an anti-Semetic sentiment here.

Everyone has dreams and aspirations to make something of themselves. However, not everyone has the drive, work ethic, or talent to make it work. Jay-Z had to struggle to become the mogul that he is today. LeBron spent hours a day practicing in a gym since he was 8 to become the basketball player that he is today.

But some people can't accept that they don't have the talent or worse, the work ethic. People don't like being held responsible for themselves, they rely on others too much. Look how easy it is for a group at your job or at school to assess blame on each other when a project or assignment goes poorly and you'll see what I mean.

When you don't succeed, about 99% of the time its your fault. But instead of taking the responsibility and trying again like Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, and yes even Jay-Z and LeBron James have done, the majority of people just want to blame others and look for other reasons that they failed.

So in comes this illuminati talk. Its not that Jay-Z is a great rapper alone, there are so many dope rappers out there that are better than him, he had to have sold his soul to the devil to succeed. That's the logic behind such talk that ignores Jay-Z's tireless work ethic through the years.

And its not that LeBron James is a 6 ft. 8 inch 250lb genetic freak who took to basketball at a young age that helped his greatness. He had to have sold his soul to the devil. Again, this ignores the fact that he worked his @$$ off to get to where he is today.

Besides, if LeBron really sold his soul to the devil then he should be asking for a refund right about now. He sells Satan his soul and he still doesn't have a ring? WTF!

Music Fans Have Finally Found Something They Can All Agree They Hate...

In 2004, Blender called this Starship song "We Built This City" the worst song ever. It is usually revilled whenever its heard, especially by my girlfriend Sara, who herself has claimed it to be "terrible."

Now, I love the song. Part of the charm is how bad it is. But dammit is it so catchy, and 80's, and other things I love, mainly ironic and contradictory.

The band Starship began as Jefferson Airplane, a psychedelic rock band from San Francisco formed in the late 60's. They were as anti-corporate and innovative as you could get. The irony in this song is the fact that its so corporate and non-innovative. Their follow-up to this song, also a song I like, was even worse; a love song called "Sara" and had a video that starred then Hollywood It-Girl Rebecca De Mornay as the titular Sara character. (Then again, both videos are kind of trippy: "We Built This City" features large dice bowling over people on the Vegas strip, while "Sara" seems to be more about an oncoming tornado in the Midwest than about a girl.)

What's my point? Well despite the hatred this song gets, people out there either liked or still like the song. And I know I'm not alone, I have stats to prove it: 591,000 YouTube hits, and most importantly, it was Number 1 on the Billboard charts the week of November 16-November 23, 1985.

For the most part, that describes music. Some people will love it, some will hate it. Music will never make you ambivalent, and even the truly great ones get a polarizing reaction for their music alone.

So what does it take for someone to release a song that everyone seems to agree on sucks? Honestly, I this was it.

Dear Pittsburgh...this totally wipes out any goodwill with me you built by giving us Dan Marino. That is all.

Sorry I had to go on a tangent, but, I mean do you HEAR THIS CRAP? This is why people don't like hip hop and continue to dismiss it. For every 2pac, Biggie, Bone Thugs, Jay-Z, Eazy-E, and Snoop, theres a clown like this.

If you don't "already know what it is" this is Wiz Khalifa, part of "Taylor Gang." What is this song about? Well its just about being repetitive and just saying Black and Yellow over and over again while sneaking in some trite lyrics about driving a black and yellow car, smoking weed, and making money. To me, this song is TERRIBLE, in fact, I hate Taylor Gang because of the "Taylor Gang or DIE" mentality, which has since been adopted by Los Angeles Lakers fans who scream "Team Lakers or DIE!"

So of course, this song is a hit.

No, THIS is the song that has united a country in hatred of a song.

Hold on, let me get this straight: a 23 year old can write a song that just repeats his two favorite colors over and over again, and everybody seems to love it, we've accepted the Jonas Brothers for five years (and counting), we've accepted (to a point) Justin Bieber, Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and whomever Disney feels like shoving down our throats this week, yet THIS song is the tipping point where everyone unanimously hates it? Really? What did I miss.

I'm not saying its good, its not. Its shallow, vapid manufactured pop music for the masses with no soul, which gives it something in common with everything else mentioned above.

So why is this girl getting all the crap and yet we give Wiz, the JoBro's and others a free pass (yes I know, no one gets a free pass per se, but I mean in the unanimous "this is crap" decision.)

I think I know why: guilt. I hate to bring this up, but since Janet Jackson's Super Bowl "Wardrobe Malfunction," music has been sliding more towards the end of shallow, vapid and safe. The 80's were like that too, but at least it was shallow vapid and safe with a soul, if that makes any sense.

Recent music has lacked soul. The best bands are indie bands, and rappers stopped rapping about real life the way that Pac, Biggie and Eminem used to. By 2011, we had Dr. Dre releasing "Detox" which so far sounds like it should be a Flo-Rida album (nothing wrong with Flo-Rida, just I want Dre), Eminem doing Chrysler ads, and one of the top rappers of today hailing from Canada and being famous for starring in "Degrassi."

To add to that, Nickleback passed for "Great Rock" when it should've just been "decent party rock." They're just great in comparison with everything else.

Collectively we're starting to wake up from that, even though I've been seeing this and warning people about it since 2005. But now, we're awake as a whole, and Rebecca Black, the singer of "Friday" is getting the brunt of the abuse.

I don't think its deserved though. Yes, its horrible, shallow, soulless, manufactured, and, well bad. But here's the thing: she's 13. If a 13 year old future pop star needs a song, this is the song to give her. It is catchy, and when making pop music, especially to appeal to her demographic, catchy is all thats important. And yes, I HATE the song, but there are songs that I hate more that are worse.

But my heart goes out to her, she's only trying to live a dream, and just as she has a chance to do it, you have these internet tough guys telling her to die. Now as someone who's dealt with such people on Bleacher Report, I can empathize with the poor girl on this one. Someone who left me a death threat and told me to die over something I wrote is an asshole. However the people who said this to her, well, if they're over the age of 18 (yes its possible) then may God have mercy on their souls.

Rebecca, keep your head up and keep doing what you're doing. I hope you get that duet with Justin Bieber. Yes, it will probably be the most hated song in the history of pop music, but here's something else I know: it will also get a lot of iTunes downloads, a lot of YouTube views, and will be #1 on the charts.

Oh, and to everyone else, if you truly hate something, don't watch the videos, change the station when its on the radio, and don't discuss it. Remember, in entertainment, any reaction is a good reaction, the best way to make crappy music go away is to just ignore it. The first time I looked up the "Black and Yellow" song on YouTube was to do this article, and it will also be the last, same with "Friday."

But because of idiots like me who wrote a blog about it, and more importantly everyone else, both of these songs have legs. In other words, we have no one to blame for crap but ourselves.

Are you happy right now?

About What? For the most part, yes, I'm extremely happy, yeah there are something that could be better, but there always will be in anyones life, but other than that, I'm feeling very good about a lot of important things, including my great girlfriend who I know wrote this question lol.

Ask me anything, literally, ANYTHING!

Watchin LeBron struggle is the best thing to ever happen in my life. I know you're probably all down in the dumps and depressed over it, which makes it even better. Hope this drives you to suicide you cocksucker.

You want an answer from me? Then Just read this: http://bleacherreport.com/articles/629170-miami-heat-the-best-answer-to-haters-reveling-in-their-struggles

Ask me anything, literally, ANYTHING!

Is the Slim Shady I Grew Up Listening To Back?

Remember back in 2000 when life was more simple?

When we were worried about the President Of The United States lying about cheating on his wife instead of him possibly lying about his religion?

When I was only in high school and life at least seemed better?

At that time, it was no argument, Eminem was the most interesting man in all of music as well as the greatest rapper alive.

Eminem's apex (1999-2002) compares favorably with that of 2pac's (1994-1996), Jay-Z's (2001-2003), and Ice Cube's (1990-1993), and far surpasses that of so-called current "Greatest Rapper Alive" Lil Wayne (his apex was actually 2004-2008, and even then you could argue that T.I. or Kanye were actually the best rappers of that time period.)

But Eminem has slipped, despite the acclaim that his latest album got. However the track I just posted shows signs of promise, and has me wondering and hoping that Eminem has returned to the Slim Shady that I remember.

For the sake of music as a whole, I hope so.

The Perfect Date, Cupcakes, Great Steaks and The Rock...A Recipe For A Great Valentine's Day

February 14, 2011.

It's been a week and just now I'm processing

that day, a great day.

Oh yeah, it just so happens to be Valentine's Day.

That's not what made the day great...wait, yes it was.

My day really didn't begin until I was with Sara, aka the 305sportschick (she's not really a sports chick, but I'll steal from Bill Simmons and call her that from now on because she is my girlfriend and that's how he refers to his wife. So sue me for not being original

.)

Tommy and Sara, aka the 305sportschick

As I got to her house, she showed me her kitchen, where she had for me my gift, some balloons that were tied to my gift bag, a card (inside the giftbag) and perhaps my favorite thing she did for me, this:

I mean, wow. To top it off, they were very delicious, and very MOIST inside. (Inside joke.)

After that I sat in her room waiting for her to get ready for dinner. Of course I had eaten about four of those cupcakes while she was getting ready, yet I was still hungry.

I would be even hungrier as we approached Outback. Since I called ahead we only had to

wait 45 minutes as opposed to the up to 90 minutes some of the other people there were waiting. Either way it was enjoyable. They even gave out free samples of this fried mushroom concoction that was extremely delicious.

Dinner itself was delicious. We both ordered the same thing. What was better than the dinner though was the company and conversation, what was key though was the laughter. On top of being smart and drop dead gorgeous, 305sportschick is hilarious. Everything about her is just great. Of course now the challenge is her birthday and what to do (its on March 28th btw, so its coming soon. And no I won't go the cheap asshole route and dump her on the 27th and get back with her on April 1st.)

We ended the night just hanging out at her house watching TV and conversing some more while eating the delicious chocolate covered strawberries made by her cousin Layla.

After a great night with a great girl, I finally got home and checked my twitter (@thomasgalicia) and Facebook (look for me if you would like to add me) and was delighted to see that it was blowing up thanks to THE MOST ELECTRIFYING MAN IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT!

Again to answer the question about why I still watch pro wrestling, there's why. I pulled up the video on YouTube the second I got home, and it provided the cherry on top of an already perfect night.

To my girlfriend Sara, thanks for a wonderful night, there will be plenty more in the future.

And to the rest of you...Do you smelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll.....What the ROCK....Is....Cooking!

Researchers In Japan Attempt to Resurrect The Mammoth in Five Years

Play the tune while reading this.

But who's effed up idea is this? Courtesy of YahooNews.

TOKYO (AFP) – Japanese researchers will launch a project this year to resurrect the long-extinct mammoth by using cloning technology to bring the ancient pachyderm back to life in around five years time.

The researchers will try to revive the species by obtaining tissue this summer from the carcass of a mammoth preserved in a Russian research laboratory, the Yomiuri Shimbun reported.

"Preparations to realise this goal have been made," Akira Iritani, leader of the team and a professor emeritus of Kyoto University, told the mass-circulation daily.

Under the plan, the nuclei of mammoth cells will be inserted into an elephant's egg cell from which the nuclei have been removed, to create an embryo containing mammoth genes, the report said.

The embryo will then be inserted into an elephant's uterus in the hope that the animal will eventually give birth to a baby mammoth.

The elephant is the closest modern relative of the mammoth, a huge woolly mammal believed to have died out with the last Ice Age.

Who thinks this is a good idea? Seriously?

That's why I added the Jurassic Park theme. Because this reminded me of the movie (and the brilliant book by Michael Crichton, better than the movie in my humble opinion.)

I'm just going to assume that these scientists didn't see what happened at the end of the movie.

If You're Happy And You Know It Write A Blog!!

I'm having what some may consider a super dee duper awesome day.

Did I get a promotion? Nope!

Did the Heat win? They didn't play, Bosh is hurt, and LeBron is still iffy for Tuesdays' game which I'll be covering for Bleacher Report and they're on a three game losing streak.

Did the Jets lose? No they won, convincingly.

Did I win money gambling? Nope, I only bet a buck on the Seahawks so that the Bears could advance since everytime I pick against the Bears they win.

So why am I happy? I'm sure you can figure it all out. Maybe it was just a great day. How do you celebrate a great day?

Happy Music!

I said, HAPPY MF'ING MUSIC!

Let's get this party started with some selections that helped me write the book, which has a new title.

Not exactly a "happy song" but it does have a nice vibe to it. One of my favorite songs of my teenage years. Sugar Ray's "Someday"

You HAVE to be happy when listening to this one. BTW, this song was on heavy rotation while I was writing. The positivity that radiates through Mangione's "Feels So Good" will get your mind right to write or create something great!

If you're down, this song will cheer you RIGHT UP! Thank you Chase Bank, you gave me another potential title to a book, what book I don't know, but a book.

True story: I just learned today that Matthew Wilder, who performed this version of the song, was white. And I'm the guy that knew at six years old that George Michael was gay when everyone thought he was in the words of Ben Affleck in Jersey Girl a "Stone Cold Pimp." So I'm usually good at identifying races and sexual orientations. Plus, he looks like Mario before he eats the first mushroom. I don't know if that made the song better or worse in my opinion.

"Some call me crazy, and they wonder why...I'm such a baby yeah the Dolphins make me cry!"

But this song doesn't. I don't care what you say, but I liked Hootie and The Blowfish.

Were Huey Lewis And The News the Hootie And The Blowfish of the 80's, or vice versa? Here we have two groups that releases some great pop-rock songs that are much maligned by many, yet somehow both sold five million plus albums. Why are they much maligned?

Oh and about Back To The Future...I have to write something about this trilogy sometime right? I will.

When all else fails...just play this song!

Exploitation of Children Is Sick: Talking To You Kathie Lee Gifford!

Watch this video, then read my comments on said video.

Since I was a small child, I've always been taught that doing the right thing isn't something worth being praised for, the reward for it should come from knowing that you did the right thing.

Zach Hirsch was a popular high school senior. He's what you could consider your model All-American Boy. He's almost your stereotypical popular jock, has tons of friends, and by all accounts from this video seems like a great guy.

Then one day at school, Zach saw Graham, an autistic high school freshman sitting all alone at a table in the cafeteria, so he decided to go up to him and talk to him.

This leads to a wonderful friendship between the two and had a major impact in Graham's life, as he's now more social.

If the story ended there it would've been great. Zach did the right thing, good on him.

Then Zach's mother just HAD to write to Kathie Lee Gifford, who's segment "Everybody Has A Story" is a weekly segment on the Kathie Lee and Hoda show, which is really just a low-rent Today Show extension that tries (and fails) to compete with Kathie Lee's former show, Live With Regis and Kelly. (Kathie Lee and Hoda average a one share, while Regis averages a 2.8 share. Also ahead of Kathie Lee and Hoda: Oprah, Judge Judy, Jerry, Maury, Dr. Phil, Rachael Ray, Steve Wilkos, Entertainment Tonight, and reruns of Seinfeld, Family Guy, Two and a Half Men, The Office, and Criminal Minds.)

This segment appears to be popular because they do it every week, I'll break it down for you. The show brings out an extraordinary story, they talk to the principles involved (in this case, Zach, Graham, and their mothers) then Broadway actress and singer Kate Baldwin sings a song written by Kathie Lee about the subject, then Kathie Lee asks if they enjoyed the song she wrote for them.

Now listen to the song again and ask yourself this: if you were in the situation that Graham was in, would you want a song written by some middle-aged woman who knows nothing about your situation but feels the need to write a song about it to be sung on National Television?

I wouldn't because sans the Autisim, I knew what it was like to be in his position in middle school. It sucks, it stinks, and did I mention that it sucks? No one wants to be the outcast, especially at this boy's age.

But it just HAD to be exploited by Kathie Lee, who at 15 probably would've been the first person to not only ignore the poor kid, but maybe even make fun of him. (Don't you get the sense that 15-year-old Kathie Lee Gifford would've patronized him if she went to the same school and pretended to like him then after word got around school that the two were an "item" she'd tear the poor kid down and call him a loser in front of the whole class?)

The entire interview Kathie Lee straight out patronizes him, then listen to the interview after the song. You'll notice that Zach gets really uncomfortable, and Graham is crying. Of course in her pompousness, Kathie Lee thinks its because the song "moved him" but thankfully Graham is one smart kid and says it was because the song was "sad."

Was there an apology there? Did she follow that up with "well why was it sad to you?" even though the answer to that is painfully obvious to anyone with a brain? (Which of course is all of you my loyal readers, thank you for reading this again!)

No, just another patronizing, "Oh well maybe we'll jazz it up a bit" followed by laughter from everyone save for Graham (if you're wondering about Zach, even though he said he enjoyed the song, I think he was just being polite, I'm sure you could tell that he did not enjoy being there one bit.)

After all that I noticed that this is nothing more than a promotional video for Kathie Lee. She mainly talks about herself, its a way to get a song that she wrote performed on National Network Television by someone with a good voice (only good, not great), and the most disgusting thing about it is its EXPLOITIVE! Its almost as bad as using a sweatshop with under-aged workers to manufacture clothes with your name on it sold at Wal-Mart! (Anyone remember that controversy with Kathie Lee back in the 90's?)

Now ironically I found this video because of a rant against it by Howard Stern, who's practically Kathie Lee's mortal enemy and has been for more than 15 years apparently. His rant was probably better than mines but points out the same things I am.

Now if you actually enjoyed this segment, then God help you. It was manipulative trash and you know it.

And if you watched it live and enjoyed it, you should've been watching Maury instead. But because you didn't, you probably missed this:

Now this I don't mind exploiting. I'm sorry but if you feel the need to go on National Television to find out who the father of your child is, then you're really seeking attention.

Some Thoughts on the Tragic Shooting of Az Rep. Gabrielle Giffords And How Those Scumbags In Washington and In The Media are Politicizing It.

The news from Tuscon was tragic.

As if we needed more reminders of how crazy this world really is, on Saturday Afternoon we got a big reminder when 22-year old psychopath Jared Lee Loughner attempted to assasinate Rep. Gabrielle Giffords at a public meeting she held with her constituents at a strip mall in Tuscon.

Not only was Giffords shot in the head (and is still in critical condition as of this post) but he also was able to kill US District Court in Arizona's Chief Justice John Roll; Gabriel Zimmerman, who was a staffer of Giffords; three elderly victims (including Dorwan Stoddard, a 76-year-old man who was shot in the head while covering his wife during the shooting) and a nine-year old girl. Fourteen others were wounded.

Loughner was a disturbed young man, which is why I went out of my way to call him a "22-year-old psychopath" instead of just saying he was 22-years old. There's no other way around it, he was mentally disturbed. I'm sorry but anyone who's willing to just shoot into a group of people and has had a history of mental issues prior to that (and serious ones at that, he was even kicked out of Pima Community College due to his disruptive behavior) is someone who's mentally disturbed. No need to sugar coat it, it is what it is.

But of course, we can't just say that someone is completely fucked in the head and leave it at that, we have to say that something "triggered" his behavior. Thank God for the media, namely the New York Times. For if it wasn't for them, we'd just think he's nuts, but apparently, he's nuts because he's a Republican!

Sure, let's ignore the facts, like for one his favorite book is The Communist Manifesto. Yes, because nothing says right-winger like Communist Manifesto.

(And yes, I know not all Commies are loons, but remember I'm Cuban, so by law I'm required to think that Communists and Socialists are the scum of the earth.)

Instead, let's blame Sarah Palin for this. Look, I can't stand her either. I have a lot of not so nice things to say about the "Maverick" however I even know that the "crosshairs" over the districts that she put up were figurative. This guy, someone who claims to be upset that people are not literate, apparently didn't realize that. Nor did the press, who seems to be making it out to seem like this is the Republicans fault.

Can't we just say that this guy is a loon? It really just begins and ends there. It sells newspapers (they still exist in case you forgot) and brings up the ratings on the cable news channels, but by attaching this with politics when it was simply the case of a nutjob going apeshit, it only divides this great nation further away.

Jared Lee Loughner (figures his middle name is Lee by the way) should just be found insane and locked away, no need to ask what "triggered" his attack, because somewhere down the line, something would've.

R.I.P. to all of the victims of this heinous attack, and may Rep. Giffords fight through this and have a safe and speedy recovery.

Breaking Up Is Hard To Do...(A Look At How A Thomas Galicia Article Gets Written.)

This post might make me look even more concieted than I already am while at the same time probably upsetting someone here or there. Whatever, I'm still posting it.

I figured this would be a fun time to let all of you in on how I wrote my latest article "Miami Dolphins: The Current and Honest Feeling of a Life Long Miami Dolphins Fan," while at the same time promoting my not yet published book.

First off, I decided to make this a break-up article, I'm sure you saw that right off the bat.

Why? Well my beautiful and super-intelligent sister Loren once described her love of the Miami Heat (the only professional team she cares about in the only sport she cares about) like this: "Its like a relationship, and if its going bad and I'm being mistreated and they're not doing their job, than I'm out of there."

Of course, the Miami Heat are the opposite of that but that was what she had said during their tumultuous start earlier this season.

As for the Dolphins, not the same. I'm glad she a. doesn't like football and b. isn't a Miami Dolphins fan, because she would've kicked them to the curb years ago.

Of course, I'm not "breaking up" with the Dolphins because of the losing, but because of the many things both on and off the field that they continue to fail at.

See the Miami Heat and Miami Dolphins are like The Hilton and Motel 6.

But that's another article for another day, sorry to get all off topic.

Since this was a "break-up" article, I actually used inspiration from my book (coming to a bookstore near you at some point in time), where the main female character, Annette, breaks up with the main male character, Tommy.

Well to call Annette a MAIN female character is a stretch, she doesn't have much dialogue in the book, in fact most of the book is about Tommy getting over Annette, sorry I'm talking in tangents again.

Anyways, some of the dialogue in the article is lifted straight of Annette's dialogue in the book, therefore some of it was a simple copy+paste job.

The rest was stuff I added (the relationship in the book and reason for its demise was different from this one) was stuff that was important to why I decided to "break up" with the Miami Dolphins.

Then I added videos from the good times of Dan Marino, and the bad times of Ted Ginn and his family, rehashed bad memories from 2002 when the Dolphins were the most talented team in the AFC but were led by a complete dunce, rehashed the good times as well, and just simply explained that, Miami, it was over!

Of course at the end I admit that it wasn't, I don't know if that takes some of the bite out of the article or if it proves to the readers that that's just my feelings at the time, but either way, this was an article I've been thinking of while the entire Sparano/Harbaugh soap opera that again embarrassed the Miami Dolphins played out.

So now that you've read the article (you did read the article first, right? If you didn't, now would be a good time to do it!) and you've seen how I wrote it, I hope you enjoyed it.

And Let's Go Heat! (and Dolphins.)

Dear El Paso, We're Sorry The Sun Bowl Will Suck

Good day El Paso, I'm sure you're well aware that one of the most heated rivalries in College Football history will renew itself for the first time in 20 years at High Noon (El Paso Time) this afternoon.

Of Course, I'm talking about Miami vs. Notre Dame.

So why apologize when just about every civic leader in El Paso and every member of the Sun Bowl committee seems giddy about this game?

Because what you're getting is not this:

Instead you're getting two rebuilding teams trying to return to national prominence, two teams that combined to go 14-10 this season.

One team has a first year coach, the other has an interim coach.

Quite frankly, you're not going to get an important game, what you are getting is an exercise in everything that's wrong with college football and why they should junk the bowl system for an actual playoff, which none of these two teams would even sniff this year.

I don't mean to sound insulting or condescending but, you really think El Paso was their first choice at the beginning of the season, which at least the Hurricanes expected to be a return to National Prominence?

No, not at all, the canes wanted to stay home in Miami and play in the Orange Bowl. And that was their WORST case scenario. Best case scenario was to get ready to play in Glendale, Arizona ten days from now for the National Championship.

Again, its not a slight or an insult, its just a fact. There's a reason the Sun Bowl is played at 2pm Eastern Time on December 31st and not on New Year's Day in prime time like the big boy bowls (Rose, Sugar, Orange, Fiesta.)

I've seen the other match-ups that have played in the Sun Bowl. No wonder you were so excited to see two teams past their prime competing for nothing. Yes, Miami and Notre Dame has a combined 16 National Championships and a combined nine Heisman Trophy winners, but the last Hurricanes National Championship came in 2001-02 (when I was a Senior in High School) and their last Heisman Trophy winner came in 1992 (Gino Torretta, I was in third grade, and as big a Canes fan as I am, even at that age when you're a massive homer, I even thought Marshall Faulk should've won it.)

Notre Dame's is worse. Their last National Championship came when I was five (1988) and their last Heisman came the year before (Tim Brown.)

You're getting history, El Paso, but not the kind that's going to be made on the field of the Sun Bowl this afternoon, but rather the kind that was made 20 to 30 years ago on the field of the Orange Bowl (RIP) and the field of Notre Dame Stadium in the shadow of Touchdown Jesus.

However, I'm still a Canes fan, so I'm going to watch, as this will hopefully be Jacory Harris' final game, and in all honesty, I still HATE Notre Dame. So with that being said...

A Hurricane Warning has been set for El Paso, Tx at Noon (MST.) Those expected to be effected are those who are wearing Golden Helmets and Kelly Green jerseys. OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO-C-A-N-E-S CANES!

Thomas Galicia is a Miami Dolphins featured columnist for Bleacher Report who also writes about the Hurricanes, Heat, Chicago Cubs, and pro wrestling.

One Stop Shopping For Everything About Me...

Forgive me for being such a shameless self-promoter, but with the book finished and now looking to be sold to any willing publisher, I might as well start promoting myself now, by making it easier for you to check out my twitter, facebook and Bleacher Report profiles.

There's a site for that, and here's the link:

Talkin' Music Part 2 Mashup Edition

As you can probably tell by now, music is a passion of mines that rivals sports, well, almost.

Except I'm not too big a fan of today's music, which I'm trying to figure out, is it a reflection of me, or the state of music right now?

I consider myself musically open-minded, so I'm blaming the music. I've heard a few good songs this year, but have only purchased one album released this year (Eminem.)

I consider Justin Bieber to be pretty good. Don't judge me, but the kid has talent. And he's a Miami Dolphins fan.

Bruno Mars has his moments, can't say I'm a huge fan but the guy has talent. Same goes with BoB.

And if I hear that Taio Cruz song one more time, I think I'll strap some dynamite to someone.

But what I do listen to, other than older music, and what has become my new thing, mashups.

The first real mashup I had heard of was DangerMouse's "The Grey Album" which was a mashup of Jay-Z's "Black Album" and The Beatles "White Album." I expected the worst, but it sounded pretty good.

Since then I've loved listening to these crazy mashups, so I thought I'd share them with you, consider it a soundtrack to my latest NFL picks article and to my Randy Moss article.

Outkast vs. The Clash: Rock The Roses

Come on, isn't the beat to "Rock The Casbah" just screaming to be sampled to an awesome song? I still can't believe it hasn't. This wouldn't have happened if Diddy was still Puff Daddy.

Dr. Dre f/Snoop Dogg vs. Grease: You're the One That I Want In The Next Episode

Almost a perfect mix, they synch up well, even from the verses until the hook. This is a crowd pleaser because everyone knows at least one of these songs, I happen to know and like both.

Jay-Z vs. Nena: 99 Problems But A Balloon Aint One

Jay-Z is the most mashed-up artist of all time. But that's because his flows are that smooth that they can synch up to anything, especially on this song, which numerically comes together very well.

Devo vs. Soulja Boy Tell'em: Crank Dat Whip It

I can't stand Soulja Boy, he represents everything wrong with music today. I mean, other than twelve year old boys who want to be dancers, who the hell listens to this shit? Yeah, Crank Dat was cute when it came out but by now, seriously, its time to go. But this song does make him sound decent.

Scary Musical Transition Cue:

Did that freak you out?

Michael Jackson vs. Nelly Furtado f/ Timbaland: Be Promiscuous With You

This makes the song sound classier...and they sound so seamless together. If they play this at a club or party, who's sitting down?

Jay-Z vs. Justin Timberlake: Song Cry Me A River

See what I mean about Jay-Z? And to think, both songs talk about the same thing. This won't be the last time you'll see Justin either.

Huey Lewis And The News vs. 50 Cent: The Power In Da Club

If in thirty years they remake Back To The Future and set the 50's scenes in 2000, then you know for sure that the new Marty McFly would probably perform "In Da Club" at the dance where his parents are supposed to fall in love.

Rick Astley vs. DMX: Where The Hood At? (Never Gonna Give You Up remix)

Very surprising how well these go together.

Justin Timberlake vs. Eminem: Cry Me A River, Superman

This one is a better treatment of Mr. Timberlake and Mr. Mathers. Goes very well together.

Notorious B.I.G. vs. Miley Cyrus: Juicy In The USA

If you know me then you'd know that I die a little bit inside as I listen to it. But its actually a good mix. Now would Biggie work with Miley if he were alive? Believe it or not, yes. Remember, he's signed with Bad Boy, Diddy would've made him do it!

2pac vs. Big L vs. Jay-Z vs. Miley Cyrus: Freestyling In The USA

This however I know would never HAPPEN! And DJ that made this, how could you not put on "And The Jay-Z song was on" after Jay-Z's verse?

LL Cool J vs. Dexy's Midnight Runners: Knock Out Eileen

And this one is the best one by far.

Now listen to these songs and tell me you don't feel like dancing! Thanks for reading and have fun jamming out. Leave me some of your favorite mashups in the comments!

Talkin' Music

There's no "Bleacher Report" for music, so this will have to suffice.

Ah yes, the break-up song, or even the FU song inspired by the breakup. Its as old as music itself. It was around in the 70's:

The 80's, which was chalk full of break up songs, not so much with FU songs though:

Then the 90's, where some of the FU edge came back:

The 00's gave us this classic, more FU, less breakup, however a clear indication that the guy isn't totally over the girl

Hell even Miley Cyrus *kinda* got into the swing of things:

(is this a breakup song? Is it dedicated to a Jonas Brother? If one of them thinks it is about them, I have another song that could probably describe them better that's way before their time, I also dedicate this to anyone who might get the wrong idea about this post)

Now why write about break-up songs? Good question. To show how far music has gone in the last few years.

According to some reports, Disney starlet Demi Lovato left a tour she was on with the Jonas Brothers for to enter treatment-not rehab, no, no, no, but treatment in order to deal with "physical and emotional issues."

Now taking that at face value I was thinking "great, another Disney starlet on drugs, say hello to the Lindsay Lohan of the 2010's." However, upon further review, it really is treatment for physical and emotional issues.

How sad is it that the first thing you think of when a star enters treatment is automatically drugs or alcohol? Can't people just be going through some shit and need time off? Its a greater reflection of how cynical we've become as a society than anything.

So anyways, I took an interest in this to see what's up, and apparently Demi Lovato used to date Joe Jonas, who's now dating some other girl. Whom he happened to take on tour with them!

You stay classy Joe Jonas. Just wondering but, is it possible that maybe the whole virgin gimmick they have is just a gimmick, no more true than Mark Callaway being "The Undertaker" or Matt Bourne being "Doink The Clown?" Because it seems like these guys, specifically Joe, are actually John Mayer type playboys. And speaking of John Mayer, how come he hasn't written a song yet called "I tapped that?"

Now being that Demi Lovato is still a baby pretty much, I could imagine that this would cause some type of internal strife on her. On top of that, Disney does run their stars through sweatshop type schedules. Don't believe me? Turn on your TV and flip the channels, you can't go 30 seconds without seeing Selena Gomez somewhere.

Now of course, had she been in her 20's, odds are Demi continues the tour, and while on tour seeing Joe and his new beau suck face she crafts a biting breakup FU song to him. And if she's really vicious she'll do what Gwen Stefani did and make him play a guitar solo. (Listen to don't speak again, that guitar solo is actually played by the guy that the song is about!)

But in the world of Disney I guess you can't write nasty FU breakup songs. In fact I'm almost certain that its against Disney rules to go into FU mode, which is sad because FU mode also gave us Fleetwood Mac's Rumors, one of the greatest albums of all time. (Google Fleetwood Mac if you don't know the story behind that album, its crazy.)

So instead, she gets treatment. Hopefully she pulls through and does well, and for her sake hopefully Ms. Lovato writes a kicking breakup FU song while in there. History will tell her that its the best thing she can do commercially. All of the songs I posted were Top-10 hits with massive radio airplay, and Fleetwood Mac's "Rumors" is the fourth best selling album of all time.

And just to cap it off, while not a break up nor an FU song, here's a favorite song of mines that does have an interesting and rather macabre story behind it

Thanks to billboard.com for the references, and thanks to youtube for having the songs.

Thomas Galicia writes for Bleacherreport.com. You can find his archive here. He is currently working on a book which for right now is untitled.

Does Anybody Even Know What A Satire is?

This weekend I went on a writing spree, of which I'm assuming this is part of since I just wrote a new story about two hours ago.

But man, did I get annoyed with the reaction of one story I wrote, titled: Why The Los Angeles Lakers and Miami Heat Are Overrated.

Now if you haven't already, stop for just a second and read the article.

Did you really take the article seriously? Was I really trying to insinuate that the Heat, Lakers and Celtics, the three most talented teams in the NBA, were overrated?

Sadly, at Bleacher Report, there are hundreds of articles written like this every day.

Each of these articles are filled with complete internet diarrhea, as they are nothing more than a "My team's dong is bigger than your team's dong" variety of "facts." Many people are upset at ESPN for hyping these teams up and playing favorites with them. You know your argument is off base when you're making me defend ESPN in 2010.

That's why I wrote the piece, to MOCK all of the people who write such incessant garbage. And sadly, people got upset that I dared to satirize something that needed to be satirized, all in the name of common sense and logic.

Anyone who reads that piece should know that taking it seriously would be like taking Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update, The Daily Show With Jon Stewart, or The Colbert Report seriously, if you do, you have some serious problems.

Yet some people took this crap seriously! How serious?

THEY DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO READ! THEY INSTEAD ENGAGED IN THE TYPE OF BEHAVIOR THAT I WAS TRYING TO MOCK, AND ON TOP OF THAT, QUESTIONED MY WRITING ABILITY!

Now there are few things I'm sensitive about, one of them is wishing ill upon others, which forced me to defend someone I've never met and probably wouldn't urinate on me if I was on fire even though he plays for my favorite basketball team, and the other is when my writing skills, which I've worked so hard to refine since I was in Middle School, are attacked by people for no reason and instead of offering constructive criticism, they just call it a "waste of time."

I'm not sure if I should be calling them the idiots for not getting it, or if I'm the idiot for thinking that these people would be smart enough to see through everything said in the article, but I need to reassure myself (yes I'm that selfish) that I did this correctly.

So I'm asking all of you kindly, if you got this far and haven't read it yet, or if you have and haven't critiqued me yet, to please read the article, and critique it CONSTRUCTIVELY! Tell me whether you got it, if you understood that it was a joke and would've had I not told you already. If you read it before I exposed the parody aspect of it, tell me if you caught onto it quickly, or if I needed to do something better in order to make it more clear.

Because unfortunately, for the thousands of bleacher report readers who read it, I didn't, and it honestly has me just a little ticked off.

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